Tuesday, October 16, 2007

The Great Hip Debacle of 2002

'People. For months I have had very limited mobility and shooting pains in that leg. And all I needed to do was get it stretched and thumbed?

Am I the dumbest blonde that ever lived?'

No, Jane, as long as Paris Hilton walks the earth, and Lindsay Lo keeps bleaching her hair, you will not be the dumbest blonde that ever lived. And as far as hip-things go...

In my first year of college, I developed a bit of a hip problem. When I woke up in the morning, I'd be fine, and then by the end of the day I could barely walk. The area just inside my hip bone would feel like wasabi tastes, and I would actually make people carry me from...the cafeteria to dorms, say. It seemed the more steps I took in a day, the sooner I'd be incapacitated and, since I had no car, I took a lot of steps. I learned to take fewer steps. I spent a lot of time in my room, but I was also seeing this guy, and since he couldn't very well come up to my room (dorms, remember), he was usually the one carrying me home from the park, or the coffee shop, or what have you. Fun, but also embarassing, and also my hip hurt.

This went on for over a month.

Since I was becoming less mobile as days went on, and it was becoming a matter of some distress simply to make it to class and to meals and back, I finally caved and went to the clinic. 'Now what you have here,' said the doctor, after poking around at my thigh-crease for a while (no peppy 22-yr-old guys for me, Jane. This was a middle-aged lady, and I almost cried with relief), 'you have yourself an inflamed lymph node, and every time you step, the muscles are pinching it, and that's why it hurts so much by the end of the day. That's not supposed to happen. Take two ibuprophen, three times a day, and the problem should go away pretty quickly.'

Two days. I was right as rain in two days!!! I had been in unbelievable pain for over a month, and all I needed was some Advil and two days!!!!!!!

Jane, I hope this makes you feel better.

1 comment:

September said...

Raych.
This one time, I read one of those celebrity magazines that I'm totally disgusted by yet devour as though they were going to make me skinny and there was an article about Paris Hilton and how she broke the heel off one of her high heels and the reporter called it "a disaster of Chernobyl proportions".
If you aren't a geek like me and don't know what Chernobyl is, google it.

So while Paris Hilton may be the dumbest blonde around, and I totally agree with that, that reporter is even dumber.

I'm just saying.