Monday, December 25, 2006
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
and because albert thinks there should be more of him in this blog, i'll say it again...albert, if jen didn't work so damn hard, you'd be my favorite hostess.
Monday, December 18, 2006
Sunday, December 17, 2006
see the love? go on, reach out. touch the love through your computer screen. so i guess we can get cats. but only, ONLY, if i can teach them to say things like 'oh long johnson' and 'why i eyes, ya'...
and also, i'm a little bit engaged.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Monday, December 11, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
'i can't put my full energy into my jobs-with-purpose because im so dragged down by my 'efficient' job...the most amount of money in the least amount of time.' - journal exerp, oct. 26th
-'&)*#$ people, i'm )^@#$ gonna set this @#(!#@ place on fire' - exerps from all those blogs i didn't post
'you should quit red robin' - joel, jane, robyn, kind of hinted at by my mom
i am more than pleased to announce that i have, for good or for ill, turned in my two-weeks notice. as of boxing day, 2006, i will no longer be employed by the red robin industry. it is well-remarked-upon in the business that no one ever quits for good, and i make no pretense of saying that this is good-bye forever. i've even had several second thoughtses since i decided to quit about a month ago, but every time i do, i have a horrible, horrible shift in which i contemplate my own death. it is as though God is, rather ungently, supporting my decision. so for now, in the interests of my sanity, my well-being as a person, my sleep patterns, and my overall opinion of the masses, i have left the dirty bird.
i have purposely avoided filling my blog with server stories, partially because anything i could say, this guy has said better, and partially because no one who hasn't served gives a damn. as a sort of farewell toast, however, i will now leave you with my favorite *blink blink* moments, as proof that servers aren't really human beings and no one listens to them. (for those not in the know, *blink blink* is code for 'i physically cannot dignify that with a response, so i'll just stand here and blink.' i like to sometimes say the word 'blink' as i blink, as if to emphasize the fact that i'm not answering. just blinking.)
- can i grab you guys something to drink?
- no thanks. i'll just get a water.
- *blink blink*
- can i grab you guys something to drink?
- i'll get a coke.
- is pepsi ok?
- yeah, sure that's fine.
- and for you, sir?
- yeah, i'll get a coke too.
- *blink blink*
- can i grab you guys something to drink? (this one actually happened yesterday)
- yeah, what do you have on tap?
- canadian, rickards honey brown, and heineken.
- ok, i'll have a rickards red.
- *blink blink* i'm sorry, we don't have the red on tap anymore. is honey brown ok?
- sure, that's fine.
- and for you?
- um, don't you guys have, like, heineken, or anything?
- *blink blink*
and then, my personal favorite:
- what can i get for you there?
- i'll have the popcorn shrimp and chips, only, instead of the chips, i'll just get more popcorn shrimp.
- *blink blink*
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Monday, December 04, 2006
Saturday, December 02, 2006
are they not enchanting???
do you not wish they were YOUR earmuffs? they have sparkles in them!!!
here they are from the side!!! there is a mess on my floor!!!
i would like to thank blogger, the dollar store, and my sharp-eyed neighbor, candy, for making this all possible.
ps. to candy: i received no less than eight compliments on my earmuffs at work tonight. kudos.
ps to jane: while i did take all of these pictures myself, none of them are in black and white, i do not look pouty in any of them (perhaps a leetle drunk in that last), and not a one of them will be making an appearance on my myspace.
Friday, December 01, 2006
i meant it as a joke, but i guess it must have happened for real, and i just don't remember because of all that crack i was smoking to survive the Defiant Clarence, but he's gone now. and being replaced with a clarence from the daycare, one i will hesitantly, and perhaps jinxingly, but ever so hopefully, entitle the Angel Clarence (or perhaps the Submissive, Servile Clarence, S.S. Clarence for short, and i will make him wear a sailor's hat) as of monday.
did i mention that my co-clarenceherd had a family crisis for which she had to leave work, and that for the past week and the next week and the week to follow, i am the sole caretaker of the clarences? there is no better time for a Defiant Clarence to take his leave of us, voluntarily or otherwise.
and now, if you don't mind...
Thursday, November 30, 2006
i have been looking for earmuffs for over a month.
remember way back in october, when it got really cold there for a bit, and i went on the halloween train and to fright night at the pne, both outdoornighttime activities? i looked for earmuffs then. everyone told me it 'wasn't the season' for earmuffs.
i got the same line a week or so ago. 'are you serious? because it's nearly the end of november, and it's hella cold outside. i can't actually think of a better time to sell me earmuffs than RIGHT NOW!!!'
and then today, because everyone says 'have you checked zellers? because zellers will have earmuffs' but they didn't, but they told me to check shoppers drug mart and they didn't but the girl there used to work at they bay, and they do, she said. they didn't, but they did have these darling brown mittens with an orange and blue flower on the back, and when you put your hands inside, the big finger lump was separated into little finger cavities, and i know that defeats the purpose of mittens, and now you have something that lacks both the fingers-all-together warmth maintanence of mittens and the separate-finger dexterity of gloves, but they were cunning little things, and i wanted them.
ANYway, i am sending out a plea. does anyone OWN any earmuffs? know where i can BUY earmuffs? want to SELL me some earmuffs?
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
except i didn't. i crouched behind a table so he couldn't see me, and frantically waved the hostess over. 'That Guy in the black fleece, you can't sit him in my section. or i'll shoot you.' and then i went to the bartender for comfort, because i knew she'd cuddle me. and there was fretting and the wringing of hands and the gnashing of teeth and the avoiding of a whole half of the restaurant until he left, because somehow, this shook me.
i mean, he was my first serious boyfriend, and my first kiss and the first guy i thought i loved, and (possibly the most damaging, once he turned up a hypocritical man-whore) my Christian mentor at a time when i was just figuring this Jesus thing out. but years have gone by, and i have dated other, (some only margianally) better guys, and even gone to prayer counseling to deal with this thing, and so i feel like it SHOULDN'T FAZE ME ANY MORE!!!
my oldest friend is getting married this may, and, if i'm not mistaken, two of my ex-boyfriends will be at her wedding (right, jacks? or just the one?) and to that i say, well, hell's bells. but it really doesn't bother me, because a) as her bridesmaid, i will look hot, b) they will not be surprising me at my place of business, and c) they didn't toss my heart under a moving subway just for kicks (did i mention that the two years were packed full of psychological, emotional and spiritual manipulation, and that i never even suspected the cheating, because how could That Guy, who was shocked and apalled by my vampish love of TANK TOPS, be getting his freak on with some other girl?)
the question is, i guess, is does it ever go away? i mean, even though you've 'gotten over it,' does the sight of That Person who hurt you most, or first, or worst, ever not give you the unpleasant shakes? does it get better if you see them all the time? or if you know when it's coming? or is it just one of those things you have to solve by fleeing the country?
disclaimer: while That Guy received marginally bad service, and trevor offered to walk over, whip out his unmentionable part, and gently rest it on That Guy's shoulder, no one spat in his food or 'accidentally' spilled hot soup on him. on the whole, i feel he got off lightly.
Friday, November 24, 2006
it's hard, though, when the Prematurely Old Clarence, who is Practically Perfect in Every Way, turns to me and asks whether farts are made of gas. or whether a turd is a kind of poo. the runny kind, right? and does so with complete sincerity.
and there is definitely no appropriate response to this, that i can see...
it's circle time, the clarences are gathered around
rachel: friends, what holiday is coming up?
clarences: merry christmas!!!
rachel: that's right, chrismas is coming! and what are we celebrating at christmas time?
half of the clarences, because the other half don't know: Jesus' birthday!!!
prematurely old clarence: Jesus is a capricorn, you know.
Friday, November 17, 2006
young brother, young brother, be quiet
you are crying, but our father has left us
he has gone to the place of the dead
to protect the living, to protect the orphan child
i always almost cry at the end a little. i know. but it's just so endearing!!
Friday, November 10, 2006
time to talk myself down to sleep.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
- miss rachel, the biggest muffin in the world is from here to the roof!
- state your source! how do you know?
- i saw it on tv.
- miss rachel, cats is faster than dogs.
- state your source! how do you know?
- i saw a dog chasing a cat, but him didn't catch her.
and then today...
- hey kids, we're having salad for snack today.
- stegasorus, miss rachel, how do you know!?!?!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
- oh yes...what's 'spooks'?
- spooks are things that are scary.
- oh, yes then. all manner of spooks.
the pne fright night also contained all manner of spooks. my throat is still hoarse, my adrenaline pumping. we only made three of the four haunted houses, which i think may be all my frayed nerves could handle. spooks jumping out from every corner, spooks at eye-level, spooks grabbing ankles. spooks colored to match the decor, so you don't see them til they fling themselves at you. spooks that follow you a while after spooking you, so they can spook you again from behind a few feet later. spooks named robyn and joel, who spook me for no good reason, and drag me into these spook-houses.
i hear it's even better if you can bring someone along who is genuinely frightened by these things. i wouldn't know, i was too busy panicking and clutching at my chest to note whether robyn and joel were having a better time with me than they would have without me. i had a myriad of childhood fears (the munchkins from the wizard of oz lived under my bed, there was an alligator at the foot who would nibble my toes if i didn't tuck the blankets under them just so, i had tigers in my corners, and lived in mortal fear that an army of roman centurions would march through my wall [no joke. not an army led by a centurion, but an entire fleet of the broom-headed fellows]) that have not translated over well into adulthood. i'm pants-pissing terrified of spiders, the dark, and chain-weilding maniacs, all of which fright night had in abundance.
these houses are not lame. even if you are a ruggedly handsome, volleyball-playing man, or a tough, parametic-type girl who can insert IV's, you will flinch when fog horns blast you and bodies materialize from walls. if you are a shrieking, pansy girl like me, a hobgoblin lurching straight at your face will leave you on the floor in a quivering ball of nerves (true story).
ryan, sadly, was unable to join us for more than one house. i understand his predicament. everyone draws their spook-line somewhere. myself, i cannot handle death and dismemberment (except for the rather jovial fellow who ended just below the nipples. 'maybe you'll find the rest of me on one of the rides!!' he cried, before hamming it up for a picture). twenty minutes of the 'texas chainsaw massacre' remake had me feeling sufficiently defiled as to necessitate a shower. spook-houses, on the slightly other hand...i wanted to turn back the whole time, every time, but i came out feeling more exhilarated than polluted.
do i have any advice for future fright nighters? go right at six, when it opens, and hit up the houses early. the lines get to be up to an hour long, and we waited in one for nearly half an hour before we found out that the house was closed. another half hour of my life that i'll never get back is the time we spent wandering that wretched maze. DON'T GO IN THE MAZE, PEOPLE!!! IT'S NOT FUN AND QUICK LIKE IT IS ON PAPER!!! THEY WON'T LET YOU CHEAT!!! we found ourselves back at the entrance after twenty minutes of wandering. 'the exits are thataway, folks' said the homely, obnoxious maze-entrance-girl, gesturing back inwards. 'can't come out thisaway, gotta go find them. it's a maze, people.' fine. dandy. and they said there'd be spooks, but there were only two, and they just sort of stood there and hissed 'get out' at you, quasi-menacingly. we are trying, spooks. we don't want to be here any more than you apparently do. so don't go in the maze. the line is short for a reason.
oh, and buy the mini donuts. and a hot chocolate, because it's -2 degrees out there. and wear three pairs of socks. and bring a tall, warm man with you. but maybe one that wont push you into dark rooms, saying 'go get 'em, raych,' while you clutch at his arm and weep in terror.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
- k, hold on....(wanders over to table 73)...hey guys, so we're having a little printer trouble back in the kitchen. the ink is running low, and all we can make out on the bill is 'bbq chicken wrap' and 'something burger.'
- yeah, i had the mushroom burger.
- thanks so much. sorry, guys...(wanders back to the service aisle, where slightly but by no means abnormally negligent server waits anxiously)...it was a mushroom burger.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
The Dan Band
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
take note of when the restaurant closes. when your server comes around saying, 'just so you guys know, the kitchen closes in two minutes, so if you want dessert or anything, now's the time to order it' she's really saying 'we close in ten minutes. please get the hell out.'
it's ok to be particular. it's not ok to be ridiculous. don't want mayo on your burger? that's ok. want your fries extra crispy, or your salad extra-dressingy? that's ok. want a chicken caesar wrap, only instead of the grilled chicken, you want clucks tossed in buzz sauce, and instead of the parmesan cheese, you want cheddar, and instead of the caesar, you want ranch dressing, and if we could toss in a couple of tortilla strips, that'd be great? that is most definitely ok, because that is delicious, and if you ordered it i might ask you for a bite. however, if you want a pepsi with two ice cubes, or your fries cooked for twelve minutes, or half a hamburger (all true stories) then you are an idiot, and should not be breeding.
don't tell me my tip's on the table when it's not. why would you lie to me like that?
today had it's ups and downs. there are certain things a server hates to do, like forget to ring in an order, and then have to lie to the table about why it's taking so long (check), walk away from a table and realize that she wasn't actually listening when the guy told her what he wanted, and have to go back to the table and ask (check), spill coffee in a guy's lap (check), and break a glass (...managed to dodge that one). however, i am surrounded by glorious food, and sometimes we get to eat things for free, like a bbq chicken wrap that got rung in by accident, and a slice of birthday cake from kevin's party of 35 that i bartered for a jug of water, and 1/4 of a beef quesadilla that trevor pimped out for me. so on the whole, i figure i came out about even.
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Sunday, October 15, 2006
i like to dissect words into their latin and greek parts. i like to excavate their origins, and it is to this end that i read books like 'mother tongue: english and how it got that way' and regularly visit sites like 'common errors in english' and 'take our word for it.'
for the most part, my dork complex only pays off when playing balderdash, but finally, FINALLY, i have received some sort of financial recompense for my attention to bad grammar and devotion to geekspeek sites.
thank you, thailand zoo, for neglecting the editing process, and making my $10 possible.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
thanks, bloglines. you may send me my cheque now.
Monday, October 09, 2006
it is not a day to go out for dinner and sit in my section and be rude to me and ask where your food is FOUR MINUTES AFTER IT HAS BEEN ORDERED because you've already been waiting twenty minutes in the lobby because the restaurant is packed and where the hell are your families, people!?!?
it is not a day to order a lime margarita when you wanted a lemon water, and then to look at me like i'm an idiot when i bring you the margarita, because even though, when i said 'ok, so one lime margarita, one glass of water with lemon, and one bottle of canadian?' you said yes, what you meant was 'no, don't make that margarita, because that will be a waste of two ounces of vodka and a minute and a half of your time.'
it is not a day to not show up for work and to leave us down two servers.
it is not a day to bring your squalling babies out in public.
it is not a day to complain about the three squalling babies, like i can do something about it.
most of all, it is a day of thanks, and of giving...particularly of giving the $9.93 you owe me for ordering and consuming onion rings. it is not a day to pull a soulless manouver we in the business call a D&D (dine and dash, for the uninitiate).
three things i'm thankful for, jane?
1. i'm thankful that i didn't work on saturday.
2. i'm thankful that i didn't work on sunday.
3. i'm thankful that i didn't work for most of today.
Monday, October 02, 2006
red robin quote of the day:
innocent customer - 'do you guys have a wireless connection in here?'
the chad - 'if we did, it'd be battered and deep-fried.'
Thursday, September 28, 2006
anyway, the major struggle for me (since i really won't cry if reds fires me) is with daycare. there are all kinds of privacy issues surrounding child care, but i have stories, people. so i'm wondering, maybe, if i don't call them So-and-so P. Surname, but refer to them simply as Clarence, can i steer myself clear of dangerous waters? there's Angry Clarence, who regularly kicks me, and throws rocks and spits, and Fragile Clarence, who goes to pieces every time he's tagged playing Pirates and Sharks (even though it is equally as fun to be a pirate as it is to be a shark, and that, friends, is the reason we have played p&s EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST SIX DAYS), and then there's Thug Clarence and Dude Clarence (who is a dead ringer for one joshua rostek, aka 'dude') and May Be Slightly Retarded (MBSR) Clarence, and poor little Girl Clarence with no other girl clarences to play with. most of their appellations will be negative, i'm sorry, but all of their positive traits are universal (they're all heart-rendingly cute and prone to cuddles and they're total prodigies. they've perfected the exasperated teenaged eye-roll, and the indignant, self-righteous 'whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?' when you firstnamelastname them for having teenage-eye-rolled you. you tell me that's not advanced behavior!) and they can only be distinguished by their...let's call them character deficiencies. but even though most of my stories will be about the time Dude Clarence bit Sulky Clarence hard enough to draw blood, or about how Silly Clarence can turn any word into a 'bathroom' word, and i will sometimes admit that i hate them, know that i also love them, much in the same way that they both love and hate me. love me because i can name any bone that they can feel through their skin and because i'm really good at foosball (relatively speaking) and because i invented Pirates and Sharks; hate me because, for what seems to be the first time in their lives, someone is calling down fire and brimstone for such minor misdemeanors as Giving Sass and Unprovoked Smacking of Friends, and my threats are by no means idle. i will actually plan fun activities so that you have something to miss out on, kids.
let the love fest begin.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
apilak and supakit (you remember them, right? skinny baby, fat baby, thai, HIV positive?) have both just tested negative for HIV.
THAT'S RIGHT, THEY DON'T HAVE HIV!!! their blood came back clean!!!!!
they're getting re-tested in six weeks just to make sure, but they're clean!!! they're healed!
amen praise God glory halleluiah.
Monday, September 25, 2006
'nope, i'm afraid i don't.'
'but look! i can roll them all the way back so that they're gone!!!'
'sorry bud, that's not really something i want to see.'
'miss rachel, look! i can see my brains!!!'
Sunday, September 24, 2006
i thought she might relocate when i moved the ottoman, but she didn't even flinch. for posterity's sake, here she is earlier today...
and a few hours ago...
that dog is sedentary! anyway, not only did i hang up the clothes in the 'clean' pile, but i did another load of laundry, since i have a nasty habit of eating in bed and dropping loaded bagels, jam side down. and i went for a run, and i had a shower, which i know shouldn't be impressive, but sometimes i take my not-in-thailand freedom-from-showering-thrice-daily a bit too far, so it is. and i emptied and loaded the dishwasher, not because i am awesome, but because the cache of dishes i'd unearthed in my room looked way less incriminating on the rack than on the counter.
and then i went out to mission for beers with friends, which is not useful or productive, but since they comprise almost the entire audience of my blog, i had to throw that in. jer, mike, alan, sometimes ryan...what's up? robbie, we missed you.
i aim for balance in life, so today i slept in late, made brownies with marshmallow icing, and watched three movies and the same episode of 'so you think you can dance' twice. perhaps one of these days i'll usurp koala's spot on the floor between the couch and the ottoman.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
i struggle, when i blog, with how much to reveal. i treasure other blogs, particularly those of people i don't know (i know, i'm lame! i read strangers' blogs), for their frankness, and the bald honesty with which they discuss their friends and family. then i shudder, because i'm pretty sure those friends and families probably read those blogs. apparently, there's a new blogger service called vox which allows you to 'control your community of readers -- like, say, if you want to share stuff with your parents, without them also running into entries about the guy you hooked up with on Thursday night, or the time you vomited into their washing machine and managed to clean it up without telling them' (quote source: the fug girls) but it's invitation only, and besides, i'm not keen enough to go jumping from blogger site to blogger site, looking for the best possible scenario.
instead, i'll sit here and wrestle with how much i should talk about joel, for example. i know he reads this (hey babe, how was your weekend?) sometimes, and i have no secrets from him, but there's a difference between that and actually posting my thoughts about how i think one of his friends is an emotional bully, and how you can feel the tension in the room and the strained desires to both impress and avoid judgement, and how i prefer all of his friends (and himself, and even myself) when this one friend isn't around. and now, if i had a filter, i would block all of joel's friends from ever reading this particular post (if they even knew what a blog was, which i'm pretty sure they don't).
even harmless things, like the fact that my siblings and i recently discovered that we've all been using the thing-that-goes-over-food-in-the-microwave-so-that-it-doesn't-splatter-and-soil-the-micro-walls as a plate to cook things might not go over so well with my mother (hi mom, i think you're cute and i totally don't begrudge the fact that i'm slowly turning into you, though i hope i never have occasion to cook up fifty boxes of KD for no readily apparent reason).
and then there are times where my thoughts are subversive and angry and (usually) temporary, and i don't want anyone reading them, which is why i have thought about purely anonymous blogging. but then, i suppose that is what my good old pen-and-paper journal is for.
so, jer, i guess this is the blog in which i have nothing else to blog about except the nature of blogging itself (someone oh someone please teach me how to create links in my blog to other sites so that one of the words in the sentence is underlined and then when you click on it, it takes you to the blog that i mean, because i would link you RIGHT NOW to the blog of jer's in which he blogs about the nature of blogging, and does such a spot-on rendition of the average-blogger's-first-blog that i nearly peed myself).
Friday, September 22, 2006
ok, that didn't work. my 'copy' won't copy the entire 'embed' code, and so 'paste' only pastes the first fraction, and my 'html cannot be accepted: tag is broken' so now you will all be left wondering which video i thought was so hilarious.
in other news, the advantages of being a 'grown-up,' according to one of my boys, are as follows: you get to drink coffee, you get to fly on a plane by yourself, and you get to get married and have a cake. enjoy your perks, friends.
Monday, September 18, 2006
reds, well...i know that i will probably like it there eventually, but i hated tonight. not with the fiery, keep-me-up-for-hours kind of hatred, the kind where i will say things like 'paul has a tiny dick' in front of my mom (which is usually beyond my level of crude anyways, let alone talking to my mama), but with the bland, reconciled sort of hatred that goes well with the phrase '...but i don't have to like it!' i can't decide if katie (the schedule guru, who is currently not putting me on schedule) hates me because of what paul told her, or if she's just mean. i heard her snap at more than a few people, but i also saw her smile genuinely at someone, so i know that the tight-lipped fake-smile she gives me isn't her real one (some people just have naturally insincere smiles, and that can lead to miscommunication. katie is not one of those people).
anyway, being the last to start, i should have been the closer, but another girl stepped in and decided she was closing. i know it won't kill me to let everyone push me around and treat me like a rookie, even though i've been serving longer than most of them, but it may give me apoplexy. humble pie is not delicious, and reds serves a particularly foul brand. and i don't have to like it.
in other news, upon seeing the bowl of fun-sized chocolate bars on the counter, i immediately thought to myself 'oh goody, it's small-candy time again!' and then proceeded to rack my brains for a good thirty seconds, trying to figure out which holiday was associated with miniature treats.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
or maybe he's up to something...
Saturday, September 16, 2006
also, i hate working at red robin metrotown. i know i keep saying that i love it, but the truth is that i loved working in abby, and i'd work every friday and saturday night, and even the dreaded sunday afternoon, if i could only bring my abby staff (even troy, that rat bastard) to this location. it's exceptionally difficult to go from a location where i am queen and have all kinds of weight to throw around to a location where i can't even get my small-man-syndrome assistant manager (paul, i hope you're reading this, because all of those reconcilatory remarks i made were only because having your boss, even a small-man-syndrome assistant manager, hate you, is a bad call. so you can go ahead and keep thinking that we're buddies now and stuff, but i freaking hate you, and i think you're lying when you say your getting married, because i can't fathom that any woman could stomach you, and i hope you're lying when you say you have kids, because i wont live in a world that contains your spawn) to do something he should legitemately do on his own. it's one thing to get your boss to promo stuff because the folks at the table are friends of yours. it's another thing entirely to ask him to take a drink off the bill because the drinks took 25 minutes to get to the table (i will insert here that it was a teeny tiny bit the bar's fault, a whopping bit paul's fault, and in no way my or the table's fault, and i say that in complete humble sincerity). and i may have accidentally gotten into a shouting match with him over the whole ordeal, which was a mistake on my part, because he promptly went around talking trash about me (small man syndrome) to other servers. and this happened early in the evening, so for the rest of the night i was full of righteous indignation, and no small amounts of ire and wrath.
'Everything just feels right tonight. I'm content. At peace. And very tired.' blogs jane. i am the opposite of those things. all is wrong. i genuinely and wholeheartedly (however much those feelings may or may not be influenced by my raging pms) don't want to go back to reds, ever. and i certainly don't want to go back to daycare on monday. i feel nagging hope for daycare, because children can be molded and trained, like monkeys. right now i don't ever want to see the inside of red robin again. paul cannot be coaxed out of trying to rule the world because i outweigh him, and he thinks he has something to prove. nothing is right, and i am still churning with gall (and, i'm not going to lie, still crying). i am not at peace, and i am not tired, and i will stay awake for another angry hour or so, and then dream angry dreams from which i wake un-refreshed.
and also, i made whopping tips and walked away with piddling money, which is a usual red robin occurrance and means that someone made more than they should and isn't telling. whoever you are, anonymous theif, i add you to my wheel of hate.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
'hello?' i answer my phone.
'good evening,' says the companiable but unfamiliar voice on the other end.
'hello,' i say, a little more stiffly.
'this is lars. how are you?' he continues, sounding amused, and a little chastising because i didn't know him at the outset.
'i'm sorry, you have the wrong number,' i say, genial and polite now that i know i'm not going to have to make polite conversation with someone i didn't feel like talking to.
'this is lars,' he repeats, as if to say, 'you've made a mistake, baby. it's me.'
i was sorely tempted to reply 'oh, lars! i thought you said it was alphonso' and then see how long i could string on the conversation for, but i'm trying not to do things the five-year-old equivalents of which i would give my kids time-outs for.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
i do solemnly swear not to fill my blog with serving stories, unless they're genuinely funny (like today, when chad got a table of blind people, and tanya says, 'but how are you going to talk to them?') or genuinely irksome (like today, when...a bunch of things happened). i know that most serving stories are appreciated only by other servers, who can then say, 'yeah, i hate that guy' (because 'that guy' is at every restaurant), and that most other people think that servers bitch too much. we do. servers spend exactly half their time getting paid way too much for the amount of work they're doing, and the other half getting paid way too little for the amount of shit they're putting up with.
so, this blog is just to say that i'm back at it, working at the ole dirty bird, and it's just like riding a bike (would all who appreciate the irony of that statement laugh here). it was a creepingly slow night, and they put me in the back section where they always forget to seat people. you might say i was eased in.
also, we got new shirts, and they're horrendous. check them out at your local reds starting monday.
Monday, September 11, 2006
did i land my dreamily-located job up at metrotown? certainly not, i say to you. either their funding was cut, and they're really not hiring more teachers, or they decided after i left that i had something of the psychotic about me, and that they weren't sure they liked my shoes (i wore shoes to that thing. not flip flops, effing shoes!!! one of them scraped all the flesh off the back of my heel, leaving it oozing and tender, so that when, in one of my pre-sleep twitchings later that night, i donkey-kicked myself in the heel, i woke up cursing). shortly thereafter, however (i think it was the same day), my good old friend jody (who i haven't physically seen for over two years, even though we used to hang out daily) calls me up and says, i have a job i need to give to you.
i work at a daycare in surrey. i'll refrain from giving you the first impressions of any of my kids, because they'll all end up being wrong and i'll have to eat them later (my words, not the kids). i'm only working part-time so that i can keep my belurved job at reds, but right now, part time is plenty time. having been madly busy and insatiably productive for the past four years or so, my shiftless bummery was starting to get to me. that being said, i am one day into my job, and nostalgically sobbing overy my days as a shiftless bum. sort of.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
well, actually, it's a picture of a picture, because i got my digital camera the christmas we put shadow down (which i totally thought was the tragic-est thing that had ever happened, and capped off my rotten christmas in which i also worked two weeks at a job that i hated and then sort of got fired, and my purse was stolen. i got back to school, vengeful and self-pitying, to find that my friend chris' two-year-old neice had been diagnosed with cancer and then died in that two-week period. he took that prize). so we got shadow when i was three-ish, and i was deathly afraid of her for about a week, and then we became romping friends. shadow was a family dog, who loved us all equally, and she was also part border collie, so she couldn't rest until we were all in the same place. she got to be about twelve-ish years old, which is old for a dog, and we figured she wasn't long for this world, so we started to think about getting another dog. if you're dog people, and your dog dies, or runs away, or what have you, this creates a dog vaccuum, and that will suck in any old dog if you're not careful. if you want to have some choice in the matter, you need to pick your new dog before your old dog kicks it. shadow was slowing down, so we got koala to fill the gap. shadow, out of pure spite and obstinancy, lived five more years before she got (quite suddenly) so old that we had to put her down. that's all i really want to say about that matter.
shadow was small and quick, clever and thought she was people. koala knows she's a dog. this is her knowing she's a dog (actually, i think she's sneezing, but you get the point)...
'did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? i think that's how dogs spend their lives.' - sue murphy
that's koala the time she got stuck in the front seat of the car. boo says that trying to get her out was like birthing a calf. needless to say, she's dumb as a rock. i mean, she's smart dog-style (she was show-dog trained when we got her, but she was also thin...she is currently neither of those things), but she totally will go (read: has gone) through a screen door because she didn't notice it was there. she's terribly fat, unreasonably happy, and hopelessly devoted to my dad, loving the rest of us only by proxy. she spent the first few years of her time with us being murderously afraid of my brother. now she is pretty much only afraid of being left alone at the park (not that she ever has been, but she'll never go more than twenty feet from you, and panics when you're out of her sight). and of that sound bottles make when you blow over the top of them. and lawn mowers, and vaccuum cleaners, and...well...a lot of other things, really. but she's docile, and let's us dress her up...
which we do, in the absence of smaller siblings. my mum contends that koala knows she looks foolish, and feels ashamed, but answer me this...is THIS the face of a dog who knows how ridiculous she looks?
not at all!! that beast is LOVING life! the collar you see in that picture is a relic; she goes about in the buff now. her intense fear of abandonment usually keeps her from running too far away.
in conclusion, koala enjoys lying around...
(i just accidentally deleted the picture of koala skateboarding, and you know how blogger is about adding photos once you've started typing, so just scroll down to the next post, and beHOLD!)
and a good laugh...
(although that may be another sneeze). thank you, ladies and gentlemen, for your time.
here's a smirky face to put to your prayers. karen says that he looked terrible when they admitted him (5:00 this morning, our time), but as they prayed for him and played with him, and the meds took effect, he seemed to get better before their eyes. so pray for a miracle. we only need a little one 'cause, well, he's a little person.
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
it makes me happy, then, to be sitting cozily on my bed (read: mattress on the floor), flanked by my orderly, beloved, well-behaved bookshelves (plural!!!), having exacted a promise from my own dear joel that i will always have more bookshelf-room than books. my treasures will never meet this buried-in-a-tomb-built-of-their-own-kind fate. i'd give them away, first.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
saturday, i went to some basketball game at mei which is supposedly a big deal *shrug* and then caught up with a series of friends from last year. ben and caleb have a new place (except that ben doesn't actually live there. in my mind he does) and, like, thirty new roommates. it's the mt waddington house all over again. since ben is the only person in whose company i smoke, we had a cigarette on the roof. ben started trek on sunday which, since drinking and smoking are verboten while on the trek program, cuts both of our fledgling smoking careers short. a shame, really.
sunday, joel and i headed off to my sweet little church in surrey and then went to the pne. it's the last weekend of the fair, so, needless to say, it was packed. the superdogs were splendid, as usual, with the border collie rocking the show (i'm partial to border collies, since our dear departed shadow was kind of part one. joel says they're prone to nipping at heels. if he and i ever do agree on something, i hope it is of more consequence than our preference of dog). there was a high-diving show that was actually pretty wicked (as in, awesome) and a street performer who drew the 15-second act of catching a catapulted cabbage on a helmet with a spike into a half-hour show. there were some sweet sand sculptures, like this one...
...where you can't actually tell, but saskwatch is sneaking up on an unsuspecting camper. there were some other really intricate ones, but this one caught our eye...
...as being a trifle crude. i mean, i know, art and all, the human form is lovely and whatnot, but this is a family park, and that woman is being ravished by the snake! the miscellaneous security guard informed us that she had begun her sand-life naked, and was sand-clothed at the request of the local powers-that-be. that's her leg up in the air. (there's a sand-dude behind her with a sand-apple in his mouth. probably all of you get the adam-and-eve reference. i totally missed that connection, which i'll chalk down to being shocked and appalled). ANYway, the real reason i go to the pne is to see the animals, cause i'm from the city...
most particularly THIS animal...
monday saw still more friends i haven't seen in ages come out to hang out, and go to the earls on kingsway to visit more friends. it is good to be home.
as per my job situation...well, as soon as i said i preferred the part-time position, the jellybean daycare cooled off, and said they'd be in touch. i called them today, left a message on the machine, and haven't heard back. here's hoping i still get on there, but if not...them's the breaks. the reason i'd rather work part time is so that i can work at red robin in the evening (i know, working at reds gives me ulcers and makes me lose my hair and curse like a sailor, but i love it, i really do. plus it's good money). reds is more than eager to take me on staff, and the scheduly lady and i will be having an availability chat this evening. i guess this is the real world, and it's time to start making my own decisions, but i'd frankly rather have someone sort out my life just now. any takers?
Monday, September 04, 2006
Thursday, August 31, 2006
also, happy birthday, jacks.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
having this useless resume in my hand, i puttered over to the jellybean daycare center in metrotown and dropped it off, just for kicks. i was exactly one block away from the mall entrance when olga, from jellybean, phoned and asked me to come back for an interview. we clicked. she liked. i have a job. i haven't said yes, but it's mine for the taking. she's dying for me to take it. there are three other people vying for the job, which has to be filled by the 5th, so i have to let her know by tomorrow, but she wants to give it to me. 'what's so special about you, rachel?' she says to me, not in the 'why should i give you this job' sense but in the 'why do i feel overwhelmingly compelled to give you this job' sense. i love Jesus? i have my new pink shirt on? i don't know. the favor of the Lord is upon me? something like that.
i thought i'd be desperately struggling for weeks to find work. to be honest, the thought of lazing around, half-heartedly looking for a real job and picking up shifts at reds, kind of appealed to me. God only knows, though, what's in store. this job feels dropped into my lap; i feel compelled to take it. 'you go on upstairs and thank the Lord,' says my mother.
Monday, August 28, 2006
does it have carving on the blade?
can it be brandished in such a menacing fashion?
(that notice on the mirror is something to the effect that we are all grown children, and can we please stop leaving our crap lying around everywhere. the articles on the counter are evidence of unclaimed crap)
in other news, i took koala for a jog in the cool, sensibly-temperatured vancouver evening. myself, i have been jogging in thailand. koala, she has been lying her fat self around. here she is having a bit of a tough time, but looking immensely pleased with herself.
my mother has made great strides in moving her belongings out of the-room-in-which-i-now-live (not to be confused with 'my bedroom,' which has been awol since at least the mt waddington house. this will, at best, become the room in which i and my belongings co-habitate with the sewing machine and some spare bedding and a roll of tinfoil). this means that 'a place for everything and everything in its place' is now a viable reality, if not an actual fact.
Saturday, August 26, 2006
i'm having trouble re-adjusting. i can and do spend close to an hour, from shower to last touch of make-up, getting myself ready to go out, though i don't know why. i still love to shop (granted, it'll take time before i'm willing to spend $15 on a shirt again). i'd rather sleep in than get up, and i have a hard time reading my Bible on any regular and meaningful basis. how, then, have i changed, and why is it so hard to be here, now?
i ran into a girl today who i haven't seen since we were almost roommates back in october. at seventeen, nat had spent a year in africa, and she says it took her four months to return to 'normal.' sam dyck, mobilization coordinator for mbmsi, asked me upon my return what concrete actions i would take to ensure that the changes that had been effected in me did not dissipate, so that i would not, in short, 'return to normal.' this is a difficult question to answer, since i cannot clearly discern the changes. i can't label them and categorize them and file them away, to be saved for posterity and trotted out as mementos of my trip.
i don't know how i'm different, but i know that i am. i am confused and troubled, and completely dissatisfied with my life as it stands. i know that the most fertile stretches of our journeys are the ones that we spend wrestling with God, jacob-style, but that hardly makes for a good night's sleep. i ache to become comfortable again. i pray God i won't.
Friday, August 25, 2006
i'm not sure how often i'll be blogging these days. i'd like to keep it up, but i'm frankly not planning on doing anything interesting. still, all my blogging friends manage to make their lives sound interesting, and my feelings won't really be hurt if everyone stops reading, because i won't know, right? so consider this the close to a chapter.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
aside from getting rip-roaringly drunk, i did the only other thing i knew would completely overwhelm my senses and help me pass the time: i went to mbk. the enormous mall did not disappoint, and for a few hours and a few hundred baht, i forgot how completely wretched i am. i was able to laugh at the 'berger king' and the 'grossery store.' now it is 2:30 in the am. i would dearly love to sleep on the plane, so i am awake now, trying to forget what i am leaving behind and focus on what i am coming home to. i am more than ready to come home, but nowhere near ready to leave.
my plane departs in less than six hours.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
every morning just before class starts, the students gather in front of the flag and line up in their classroom groups. they sing the national anthem together, and then recite prayers to buddha. those stalwart figures you see with their hands to their sides or behind their backs are our boys. they are exempt from praying to the buddha by virtue of their status as Christians, but i often wonder what their classmates think of this, and how they respond when questioned. this is yet another one of those things i'll never know, because i don't speak thai.
the national anthem, besides being sung before class, is also played over the loudspeaker at 8:00. this is not just a school function; everywhere in thailand, loudspeakers on trucks or posted on streets, radio stations and television, all play thailand's national anthem at precisely 8:00 am and 6:00 pm. wherever one happens to be at that moment, one is expected to drop everything and stand at attention. traffic will sometimes even come to a halt, as people pay homage to their country and king.
other things you might not know about thailand:
before a movie is played in the theaters, a special video honoring the king is run. once again, everyone stands at attention.
when you fold money, you fold it with the king's face on the outside. if you drop money, stepping on it is a jailable offence (you're putting your foot on the likeness of the king's head).
it is considered rude to pick your teeth in public. picking your nose is perfectly acceptable.
every road worth mentioning has a meridian, because there are no functioning crosswalks. one only has to dodge traffic coming from one direction at a time, resting on the meridian in the middle. you are permitted to cross if you probably won't get hit.
the reigning rule of the road is 'don't get hit.' slightly less prominant is 'try not to hit anyone else.'
people drive on the left-hand side.
many driver's licenses are purchased, not earned.
people swim in the ocean fully-clothed, and usually only in the evening. when they sit on the beach, they do so under a host of umbrellas, and they sit facing inwards towards each other, not towards the sea.
you eat with a fork and spoon, using the fork to push the food onto your spoon. you can use your spoon to cut things, if strictly necessary. my house has one butterknife, which i use when no one is around. i call it 'going savage.'
eggs and milk can be left out on the counter, no problem. cereal, however...THAT goes in the fridge.
thai people were voted the 'best-smelling people group' in the world. they shower several times daily.
no one kisses in public. if you must show affection, you put your face close to someone else's face, and sniff them.
friends of the same gender group can and will walk down the street hand-in-hand.
you never touch someone else's head.
that concludes our lesson in thai culture, 101. class dismissed.
yesterday, everyone took me to this waterpark on top of a massive mall in bang na...it was supposed to be a surprise until, i guess, the day before, but then no one ended up telling me, so when the fallses came to pick me up yesterday morning, there i was still in my jammies, drinking coffee.
today i ate a bowl of soup that tasted like human spit.
that's about all.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
this is my taxi. there's no cushion on that bit that i sit on, and going over bumps at high speeds makes me want to cry. luckily, having so much weight on the back slows the driver down, so we rarely go anywhere at high speeds...
this is apilak in his happy place (note my severely mosquito-bitten legs...i look like i have the pox)...
if i carry him around until he's fake-sleeping, and then sit down and put him in his leg-cradle, he'll open one eye and look around, decide this is an acceptable resting place and that he is still being a burden (he lives to encumber), and then go to sleep for real. this leaves my hands free to read a book or something.
yesterday, karen took me out for dinner-and-debrief to this little mexican food (mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmm) place in pattaya...pattaya is one of the prostitution capitals of thailand, and i had never been there, particularly not at night...i'm still trying to process it all, but it's one thing to read about it in books, and another thing entirely to see teenaged girls lingering, scantily clad, in front of bars, or walking through the streets hand-in-hand with a farang twice their age...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
the woman who inexplicably shows up on sunday afternoons to iron the boys' school clothes has a little dog named ninja, who is pretty much the cutest thing since kirby (you all know who i'm talking about...that video game where the pillow would eat things and spit them out at other things)...
only in thailand can you bring your dog (or infant child, or husband) to work with you.
the older kids at wat samet, particularly the ones in my classes, are pretty used to having a farang on the premises now, although they all still stop whatever they're doing and stare when brian's big green truck drives into the school. the younger ones, however, just can't get over it. every so often, they'll congregate in little clumps outside my doorway, and dare each other to go in and say 'hello.' sometimes, one of them will come in willingly, bravely, hand held out to be shaken. other times, they'll spend ten minutes trying to shove each other inside...
the boys had made a batch of beaded bracelets to sell to the Full Sail team, and the team leader, geoff, has requisitioned a whole batch more, promising to sell them when he gets back to california. a sight more profitable and less wearying (which we all condone, since they're all still sickish) than selling popcorn in the market, the boys have taken to bracelet-making like they were born to it...
i may be coming home with a batch myself, if bracelet fever holds. they make excellent gifts for your nieces!!!!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
and then, because they're also kind of mine...
it's getting close to the end, and i'm dying to be home. this has become my life. it seems like i've known the fallses forever; it's perfectly natural that tassanee sanchez would hug me every time she sees me; rice actually is a proper breakfast food. these are my comfortable, familiar surroundings. still, something is missing, and whether that's solitude, or it's rest, or it's joel or family or people who i've actually known forever, it's time for me to go home. i've said a million times and i'll say again that if i could take the boys, i'd come home in a second. that being said, thoughts of leaving are both pleasant and unsettling. could you leave this face...?
or this one...?
there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace...
i feel that my time is coming to tear and to uproot, and i'm not entirely ready...