Thursday, May 29, 2008
'Hrablweg?' he says, through a mouthful of toothpaste.
'I said, I'm leaving for a minute, don't lock me out. I'm just going upstairs.'
Hwwwwwwack-pat! 'Sorry, what?'
'I'm running upstairs to bring them a book. I'll only be gone a minute. If you leave while I'm gone, don't lock me out.'
I run upstairs. I drop off the book that my book club is passing around because we're all too scattered to buy our own copy. I run downstairs just in time to wave goodbye to Joel as he drives away.
Having locked me out.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Next summer we won't be around, so you'll have to go in our place.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
But then today, I'm out on the town running some errands, and I'm crossing the crosswalk and this guy hollers out his window, Hey! You're hot!
I keep walking.
I keep walking.
He honks again.
I keep walking.
He hollers out his window, Hey! Don't be a stuck-up bitch!
Which puts me in mind of the time boo and I were walking through the *shudder* mall to pick up tomatoes or catch the bus or something else practical and uninteresting, and we hear (in the way that you 'hear' rain for four hours, and all of a sudden you look up and hey! It's raining!), Hey ladies.
Obviously, this guy is trolling for mall ass, in which case we obviously aren't his target, so we keep walking, and then closer and louder and less ignorable, Hey ladies!
We turn and there's this guy...what would you say, boo, early 30's? Anyways, he's all, What's going on, ladies? Boo says to him, cool as you please, Can we help you? Goodbye, suave Dr Jekyll with his hey-ladieses. HelLO Mr Hyde.
What the hell is your PROBlem, he says. I'm just trying to be FRIENDly. What, you think you're too GOOD for me? What the HELL!
Dear menfolk - you are trying to give us something we do not want. Do not get angry because we do not want it. There are hundreds of tiny teens in tight pants who are desperately seeking your...affirmation. They are not subtle. You should be able to spot them. They will give you giggles or blushes or whatever it is you're looking for. I'm not even sure what that is.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Saturday, May 17, 2008
It is now 30 degrees, and that is awesome. I have a basement suite, and it's cool and fabulous. It is, tragically, also in a family-friendly neighborhood, which means that my air is full of shrieking kids. And not 5-year-olds who've just discovered sprinklers and trampolines shrieking. This is 14-year-old girls who think that the murder-shriek will convince their mom to come outside and tell their little brother to leave them alone, except that by now, mom is well inured to the murder-shriek, and I want to go out and tell these girls the little story about the boy who cried 'wolf.' Because one day, if one of them falls down a well, say, they will be shrieking for help and no one will come. We will all be sitting in our living rooms and shaking our fists.
Monday, May 12, 2008
And then there's the guy eavesdropping who's all, YEAH man, that would be awesome.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Also, Joel's gone for the weekend, and we're out of groceries, and the buses don't run on Sundays (long aside: one time when CBC was hosting a high school basketball tournament and there were all these high school boys running around campus and I asked one of them what they did in the long stretches of time between games, and he was all, Oh, you know, walk around, check out the Big City. And he wasn't joking) so I couldn't go pick up more groceries, so I ate Joel' pizza pops instead, and burned my damn lip. Karma is a bitch.
Also, Happy Mothers Day to all of you with children and wombs.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
You should go there and win stuff, and thank me later.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Monday, May 05, 2008
Saturday we had a massive-assed garage sale.
People came and carted away our junk, and gave us money for the privalege of doing so. This guy tried to talk me down to $15 from $20 for a boxful of 40 books, but my books are my children and 50 cents/book is a steal. I made him cough up the 20, but I sense that he's going to turn around and re-sell all those books for $5, in which case he's making a killing and I don't feel bad at all.
Saturday night we went upstairs to eat Chinese food and speak English with our landlord while fifty of her Chinese in-laws ate and drank and gambled and spoke Chinese. It was both exhausting and delicious.
Sunday we visited my in-laws to celebrate all the birthdays that fall in April and May, as well as anniversaries and Mother's Days, and I murdered at bocce ball. And I know that bocce ball is probably one of the least athletic pasttimes that still involves moving, but all these people do is sports, so I'm pretty damned proud of myself.
Today I cleaned the house head-to-toe and did all the laundry so I don't have to think about it once school starts, and then I made enchiladas for supper (which is something I hated as a child because I had terrible taste in food, but seriously people, enchiladas are effing amazing).
Consider yourselves updated.