Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I move that, in order to preserve some very fine phraseology while introducing a bit of novelty, that we switch to 'douche-hat' and 'assbag.' 'Douche-hat' is a little awkward when spoken aloud, but 'assbag' makes up for it both in roll-off-the-tonguery and in visual image hilarity.
Anyone second the motion?
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
H'anyvays, for my one linguistics class, we're all talking about the midterm and about linguisticky things, and then this one girl posts:
hi.i came across some religious languages...the archaic ones..thats used when writing holy books such as bible and ramayan...
andi was also watching this television series FRIENDS (the best comedy series ever :-D).........one of the characters in friends studies dianosaurs..
this brought a question into my head - why arent dinosaurs mentioned in the holy books?....they do mention evolution and othet animals...why not dinosaurs?...
To which: many things. How exactly did you 'come across' these archaic languages? Did you spontaneously learn them? Find them in the gutter? Inquiring minds...
Also, 'this television series' you speak of sounds dull. Who wants to watch a man study dianosaurs?
Also, in which holy book is evolution mentioned? The Origin of Man, in its original Sanskrit?
And then some guy is all, Man wrote the holy books and probably had not yet discovered dinosaurs by the time he did so, and then there's a bunch of other jibber-jabber and our prof comes on and seizes on some linguistic matter mentioned in passing and tries to steer the conversation thataway.
So then this same girl opens up a new discussion topic and is all:
hey....what do you guys think about UFO"S and aliens?....
are they realy out there?.....has anyone experience anything relating to aliens ;-p.........?....i hope not...
but britain just released some secret files about alien sighting experience by different people including a pilot who reported he almost crashed into something ......too big to be flying and was too fast.......
what do we ordinary people think? ( and the spelling of people is funny isnt it)...
...? WTF? Secret files? And how big is 'too big to be flying'? Because space ships are, you know, big (side note: Paris Hilton is being sent into space I'm not even lying).
I wish I had some witty commentary on the state of our children, and how the internet is making us all dumber, but I really just wanted to give everyone a good laugh. Come, join me in the anonymous mockery!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
And then again with CLR Kitchen and Bathroom:
Ok, so it's not the blood of virgins, but it did a decent job. Half of that is missing paint anyways. CLR smells better than the death-bleach smell, and I wish I'd had it when we were moving out of Dave and Shari's and trying to get the soap scum off the shower by sheer force of will.
And the kitchen?
Ta-ta!!!!Revel in it, folks. Luxuriate in my clean kitchen. This won't happen again until we move.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Political views aside, this me laugh so hard I almost cried. If you don't have 1:30 to spare, skip ahead to :40. You will positively die.
Also, who has this kind of time?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Ok, so sometimes I suck at running errands. Most of the time, I am an errand champion. I take the bus and I have to haul everything around on my back, so I excel at plotting out my errand points from least-heavy/likely-to-go-bad to most-etc. Also, I like to streamline things so that I'm getting off and on the bus the fewest amount of times.
A couple of weeks ago, I head out erranding on a Monday. Wheee to the library! Except that the library isn't open on Mondays. Very well, whee to the bulk foods store! Except, also not open on Mondays. Errand fail.
A week or so later, I head up to the used book store which claims to buy used books, and I get there all, Hey, you guys buy books?
The lady behind the counter: 'Yes.'
Me: '...Want some books?'
Lady: 'We don't buy books on Tuesdays.'
So today, I'm going to take 2 buses to the library, and then one bus back to Dunbar where I have to get off anyways and switch buses, so while I'm off, I'm going to hit the bulk foods store, and then zip all the way down to Zellers for cans/boxes/snacks, and then the produce store (which will be awkward, because I will be full of cans/boxes/snacks as well as bulk food products and books, but it's either that or head to Zellers all bulky with produce, which is less forgiving) where I will also buy milk because milk! So heavy!
Except that when I get to the library at 9:30, it doesn't open until 10. I text boo all 'schnoo schnoo schnooo,' drop off my books, and head to the bulk foods store. I'd been counting on picking up some books since I finished the one I was on this morning, and now have nothing to do on the bus but try and avoid that guy's eye. H'anyvays, I get off at Dunbar and head to the bulk foods store...also not open until 10. Parallel lives, the bulk foods and library. While I'm staring at the store hours and growling, my bus to Zellers goes whizzing by.
Now, even if I go all the way to Zellers and the produce store, I'll still only have finished half my errands, and I'll have to spend the whole bus ride bookless. Also, I will have to wait for a bus. Sometimes, you just cut your losses, head to the IGA for cereal and milk, and walk home.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
SO! I made Mint-chocolate Mammograms. Deliciousness for all.
For the cookies:
1/2 cup butter
1 1/2 cup flour
1/3 cup cocoa
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 or 2 eggs, beaten
Preheat oven to 350/180. Grease large cookie sheet.
Combine flour and cocoa. Cut in butter until fine. Stir in sugar.
Add enough beaten egg to form a soft dough. Roll to 1/8" and cut into rounds.
Bake about 15 minutes or until...they are still dark brown. Cool on wire rack.
For the frosting (this gets much less scientific):
A blob of butter, like, 2 golf-ball sized.
Powdered sugar...maybe a cup.
An eensy bit of milk or cream or half-and-half, whatever liquid dairy you have on hand.
Pink food coloring
Beaterize all the above. If too thick, add more milk. If too thin, add more sugar. I like it good and stiff for these, so that you can pile it on thick.
Blob frosting onto cookie.
Smoosh other cookie onto first (that's the 'mammogram' part).
Chuck into fridge until later so that frosting is less gishy.
Later, melt some chocolate - chocolate chips, chocolate bars, whatever - in the microwave until runny. Don't burn it.
Dip half of cookie into chocolate. Place on waxed/parchment paper and let set.
Eat and share with friends!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Also, have I mentioned that I write the culture column here?
Friday, October 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Like the other day: 'Black....No, black....A black one....black....yes.....no, black....a black one...black.'
And then today: 'Where are you....in the SUB?.....Are you going to stay there?.....Are you....Are you going to stay there?....Are you going to stay there?.....Huh?'
Like, do you have the world's worst phone connection? Ever? Huh? What? Go outside and you can hear better.
I'm such a crank.