Happy day of the Valentine, lovers!
This morning for Valentine's Day Joel took me down to the hospital so I could get a shot in my ass, and then picked me up a coffee because I am too tired and too stupid to do anything as complicated as make coffee anymore. I went off my thyroid meds a week ago in preparation for my radiation, as as of yesterday I am officially a pile of useless.
They tell you that you'll get fatigued when you're hypothyroid but fatigued is one of thsoe words that doesn't seem to mean anything except I'LL tell you what it means. Ok so say you've spent the morning painting your dining room (especially the ceiling) and then done the Grouse Grind in the afternoon and then come home and collapsed in a chair and then realized that you have to get up to lock the door/let the dog out/get a beer. THAT feeling, that realizing that you have to get up, that is fatigue.
Also, being hypothyroid makes you crazytunes and last time I would have an emotional breakdown every evening at around 5. Friday I felt fine and yesterday morning I felt fine and then I started to get achy and tired and then I tore my sweatpants and then I started to cry, and part of me was watching myself cry over my torn sweatpants and being all, Oh shit, we are at this stage again where I cry over torn sweatpants, and then the part of me that was actually really sad because I'd torn my sweatpants got even sadder because I hate being in this place where I cry over torn sweatpants, and the part that was watching me cry was trying to talk me down from my tree because this is only for a few days but the part of me that was crying was so wrapped up in how fragile my state of mind is now and how torn my sweatpants were that I couldn't seem to hear myself. I felt completely unhinged.
I am now re-hinged, and have come to terms with the fact that I'm not going to get anything useful done in these next two days because besides being fatigued and crazy I'm also incredibly stupid and have had to marshall all of my ganglia to write this one post. I'm going to lie here and watch men's moguls and maybe read some trashy Tudor fiction if I can muster up the wherewithal to hold a book. Merry Feb 14th, amis!