Catching up on my correspondence

Dear Spring,
I know, technically, you don't get here until Friday, but I just wanted to say thanks so much for sticking your head in a bit early, just to say 'hello.' I plan on wearing a skirt to school today, and flip flops, unless that awful bitch Winter comes back.

Dear UCFV Weight Room Maintenance Guy
Please stop waiting until another cardio machine breaks before you fix the one that is currently broken. As I'm sure you're aware, spring is in the offing, and short pants are returning, and bikini season is only a blink away. By which I mean, everyone with back-fat is in the gym, all the time, and we need two functioning treadmills.

Dear Earthworm,
I know that spring is nearly here, and that you are, in many ways, a symbol of spring (largely in that the returning robin red-breasts eat you) but please get out of my living room. You do not belong here. You do not pay rent.

Dear Spider in the Bathroom,
Ditto Earthworm, but with more screaming.

Dear Papers,
Please write yourselves. I need to go sit in the sun for a while.