Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Inconsiderate shits

Having lived in Abbotsford (Buttsford, to the locals) for almost five years, I can now distinguish between the various types of shits people spread on their farms. Cow shits smell, oddly enough, like dairy farms. Also like petting zoos. This is the most preferable of the shits. Chicken shits are dry, and the smell of them gets into your mouth and down your throat. These are unfortunate shits. Pig shits are the worst, and will have you shoving sharp things into your nostrils just to make it stop.

There's this farm about 3 blocks from our house (quick aside: that is a broccoli farm and that refuses, after harvesting, to plow all their broccoli stems under like everyone else, so that for a month or so after harvesting season all the air in a 4-block radius smells like rotting broccoli stems) that has just spread their fields with pig shits. Again, these are the worst of the shits.

So the other morning, I'm going for a run, and the path that I take runs alongside this field. A truck full of shits pulls just ahead of me, presumably bringing fresh shits to the field. I'm running about as fast as this truck is driving, so for about a block I'm running alongside these travelling shits. I'm trying not to breathe, but the body needs air to run.

We're moving in less than a month. To the city. Where the only shits are from the dogs and the vagrants.


Rebekah said...

you forgot horse shits, too. In the city. Police still like to ride majestically erect on their galliant steeds.

Also, it is extremely unsettling to see another adult pooing in the city - pooing, literally, on the ground on which you walk. And with no toilet paper.

alan.schram said...

Where in the city are you moving to?

Jacki said...

Moving? When?? Where?

Heather said...

The city smells as bad as animal shits. Only not natural. I don't think you'll have to worry about your Nalgene giving you cancer, exhaust and pollution will gladly do it!