Thursday, September 28, 2006

in which we meet the clarences

ok, so i've been reading this blog by this woman i don't know (and there's nothing lame about peeping into other people's lives this way, particularly if they're really funny, like she is) who got fired from her job for posting horrendous and inappropriate things on her blog about her co-workers and/or bosses. apparently, that happens. there are few things i can blog about these days besides work, since my last seventy-two hours have looked thusly: daycare-red robin-sleep-daycare-red robin-sleep-daycare. now, i just hope and pray and more or less assume that no one from reds will ever get a hold of this website, but if they do, odds are that they feel the same way about paul as i do (complete and utter re-avowel of paul's SMS, because yesterday i heard kevin make a perfectly reasonable request, which paul denied out of hand. kevin made the error of trying to explain his reasoning, which got paul's back up, and apparently i'm not the only one to force a battle of wills) and hopefully won't tell him.

anyway, the major struggle for me (since i really won't cry if reds fires me) is with daycare. there are all kinds of privacy issues surrounding child care, but i have stories, people. so i'm wondering, maybe, if i don't call them So-and-so P. Surname, but refer to them simply as Clarence, can i steer myself clear of dangerous waters? there's Angry Clarence, who regularly kicks me, and throws rocks and spits, and Fragile Clarence, who goes to pieces every time he's tagged playing Pirates and Sharks (even though it is equally as fun to be a pirate as it is to be a shark, and that, friends, is the reason we have played p&s EVERY DAY FOR THE LAST SIX DAYS), and then there's Thug Clarence and Dude Clarence (who is a dead ringer for one joshua rostek, aka 'dude') and May Be Slightly Retarded (MBSR) Clarence, and poor little Girl Clarence with no other girl clarences to play with. most of their appellations will be negative, i'm sorry, but all of their positive traits are universal (they're all heart-rendingly cute and prone to cuddles and they're total prodigies. they've perfected the exasperated teenaged eye-roll, and the indignant, self-righteous 'whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?' when you firstnamelastname them for having teenage-eye-rolled you. you tell me that's not advanced behavior!) and they can only be distinguished by their...let's call them character deficiencies. but even though most of my stories will be about the time Dude Clarence bit Sulky Clarence hard enough to draw blood, or about how Silly Clarence can turn any word into a 'bathroom' word, and i will sometimes admit that i hate them, know that i also love them, much in the same way that they both love and hate me. love me because i can name any bone that they can feel through their skin and because i'm really good at foosball (relatively speaking) and because i invented Pirates and Sharks; hate me because, for what seems to be the first time in their lives, someone is calling down fire and brimstone for such minor misdemeanors as Giving Sass and Unprovoked Smacking of Friends, and my threats are by no means idle. i will actually plan fun activities so that you have something to miss out on, kids.

let the love fest begin.

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