Sunday, February 18, 2007

beauty is pain

i read an article on 'asian anti-aging secrets' the other day. now, i'm all for anti-aging, especially since i recently discovered (through my engagement photos) that i have wrinkles. not i've-been-in-the-sun-all-day wrinkles, but permanent ones.
aside: if i could go back in time, i'd go to my 14-year-old self and tell her that lying in the sun for hours will damage her skin, and that 24 is too young to be prodding at your face in the mirror. and then i will tell her to stop caring about what people think of her, and that she has great legs, but that she should do something about her hair. and then i will probably lecture her on the dangers of high-school dating in the hopes that she wont end up dating That Guy, and then i'll tell her that carbs become the new tobacco in about five years, and that if she cuts back on her daily bagel now, she'll be way ahead of her short, i will probably do more harm than good, and she'll probably end up laying in the sun anyways, because who doesn't love a good tan? so perhaps i wont.

and SO, the asian anti-aging secrets. allow me to pass them on to you.

- soak two grams of panax ginseng root in four ounces of fresh water for half an hour, then steam in a double boiler for an hour, drinking half of the resultant liquid before breakfast and polishing it off the following day. what could be more simple?

- mix a teaspoon of powdered pearl (yes, real pearls, crushed to powder) with an egg white and half a teaspoon of honey. apply to face and let sit for 20 minutes. rinse.

- boil eye of newt and tongue of hummingbird in one quart of mountain goat urine until coagulates. spread half on face, one teaspoon on left kneecap, and consume remainder.

ok, maybe i made that last one up, but for real. powdered pearl? boiling, steaming, drinking? i'll stick to my blusher and eye-bags.

1 comment:

Jane said...

Your engagement photos are fabulous by the way. And, IMHO the best anti-aging device is being in love. No one looks old when they've got that glow.