Ok, so, remember how we're babysitting some kittens? They're kind of cats now, all big and junk. Anyway, we've been letting them get away with stuff that we know Gord and Carol wouldn't have, and some nights ago (please Gord and Carol never read this) we left our bedroom door open and let them sleep in the bed with us. By which I mean that we let the girl-cat sleep in the bed with us and let the boy-cat step on my neck and meow at me all night, the little asshole. I didn't get more than two disjointed hours of sleep that night, but I was too tired and irritated to just chuck the cats outside and lock the door.
H'anyvays, since then, whenever the boy-cat was sleeping I'd come over and shake him awake, or poke him in the neck, or make loud noises. How do you like it, cat? Also, I would make a point of telling girl-cat (also known as 'Throat-beard') quite loudly how much my favorite she was, and how much more I liked her than boy-cat (really only known as 'Boy-cat').
Except then a few days ago, boy-cat ran away. He's always the first one in our room in the morning as soon as we open the door, and he'll be all up in our space, stepping on our books and kneading any exposed skin, but then one morning he wasn't there. That evening when we got home from the house-build, he continued to not be there, and the following morning he remained not-there. Which, kind of I'd be fine with, except that he isn't our cat. So we hunted all over the house in case he got himself locked in a cupboard and then died, or passed out from all the dog food he's been eating (seriously, this cat is such a douche. That food isn't yours!!), but there were no cat-corpses.
Yesterday morning, I got up to let Throat-beard in with us, because she'll come nestle down in between us and purr hard without trying to eat our bookmarks or our fingers or anything, and not five minutes later, boy-cat hopped up on the bed! He was dusty and exhausted (he slept the whole day) and had acquired this habit of sitting on my shoulder and rubbing his face hard against my cheek (which is actually kind of endearing), and besides all that, WHERE WERE YOU?? Oh, if cat's could talk.
I suspect him of having been off sowing his wild oats, and also getting lost because he's a bit stupid. Also, I suspect that girl-cat may soon get pregnant, and also that the babies will have extra tails and very low IQ scores. You know what I mean.