Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Oh the huge manatee!

Ok, things get stolen from me a lot and I know I'm really negligent and would always rather chance something getting stolen then actually PUT IT SOMEWHERE SAFE but shit, man. My boots!

So, I have these black boots that I don't think I have a picture of anywhere that boo gave me when she bought herself some Expensive Sexy Boots (which I totally appreciated, despite all the disparaging things I'm about to say), and they were cheap(ish) and kind of piratey and pretty well fell apart after maybe a month, and the soles were like paper towels and I couldn't even step on be-dewed concrete without them soaking up all the moisture and they totally refused to dry out even after weeks of being by the radiator and they always smelled like mold and if I wore them for five or six hours, they made the sides of my feets all tender and raw.

THAT BEING SAID, they were my boots. What with yesterday's snow and today's -weather and all the -weather proposed for the next week, it would seem that winter's not done with us yet. Boots are a BOON when you want another layer or two hugging the old calves.
Which is why I am so PISSED that someone jacked them from the gym locker room. I have a locker, but it fits my backpack and my purse OR my backpack and my boots. I think I made the right call on this one. Anyway, it's not like I leave them lying around on the benches like everyone in the yoga class (srsly, more clothes than I own were scattered hither and yon today). I tuck them away up on top of the lockers where you can hardly see them. Also I tuck my socks there, and that's how I know the boots were stolen and not just mislaid. The socks were secreted away in one of the day-lockers, like a kidnapped child's teddy bear (too much?).
AND NOTHING GETS STOLEN FROM THAT LOCKER ROOM! Ever. The guys at the front desk were all, This is our first theft! How exciting for them.
And then on top of that, I had no choice but to head home in my tennis shoes. I am no fan of jeans and tennis shoes, me. If that's your deal, fine. I have been known to wear this gorgeous turquoise dress I have as a shirt, and hink part of it into a hair-tie so that it isn't quite so long, but then I have a side-tail. What I'm saying is, we all have our fashion quirks. But my tennis shoes are white and look kind of awesome with shorts, and my jeans are straight-legged and look fabulous with flats or, say, boots. But when paired with the jeans, the shoes look a bit smooth and glowey, and when paired with the shoes, the jeans look a bit pegged. I mean, ok. Here:

Does that not look douchey to you? The answer is yes. Someone not only stole my boots, but they forced me to look douchey all the way home.




Anonymous said...

douchey? now that is an interesting way to make douche bag even more usable. thank you for your contribution to the english language.
i got a little excited when i saw you put a - sign before weather because i THINK it's a reference to the vampire book review, which i thought was brilliant, so if that's actually what you were doing, I GET IT!!!! Yay!!!!

I am so smrt!!!

And the manatee book? If you're referring to the John Lithgow version, I got it for free from some cereal box or something and when I read it to Allison, well, I thought it was lame-o. Or, if you will, douchey.

Love September

Anonymous said...

Oh the hu-man-i-ty.

Never mind. Could you dumb down down the cleverness a bit so I catch all of it and not just, I'm guessing, a third?
S again.

ramblin'andie said...

When I run out of things to read, I go to your book blog and sort by caterpillars. Then I see if anything interests me. I have four books winging their way to me RIGHT NOW. Am very excited.

ramblin'andie said...

If on a winter's night a traveler
The Book of Negroes
The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society

(one or more may be from Jane's blog? Can't remember anymore. But I can't wait. They all sound so good!)