Sunday, May 25, 2014

Emoting all over the internet.

So, hey. I had another baby. And I haven't really blogged about it because my sitting-at-the-computer time is pretty limited, but also because My Feelings. There are just all kinds of feelings surrounding the birth of your second child, most of which I was WHOLLY UNPREPARED for and a lot of which I'm not really comfortable talking about yet. Suffice it to say that I thought I'd continue loving Eleanor with the same deranged, unflagging love, and then I'd come to love the baby in time. I failed to take into account how easy newborns are to love, and my feelings towards Eleanor, of all people, were unexpectedly hostile (and also guilt-ridden, because whose idea was it to have another baby and completely ruin this good things we had going? Certainly not hers).

Also, my parents were here, and now they are gone. And it's not that I had help and daily naps and now I don't, and it's not that food has stopped just sort of appearing in my fridge, and it's not that I have to clean my own living room now or sit in a heap of squalor. It's that they were such an important part of Eleanor's first six months, and the fact that they won't get to know Geneva in the same way just kills me sometimes.

Also I just had a baby, so sometimes I cry just for the hell of it.

Overall, though, things are going so much better than I could have expected. I will write more later about how chill Geneva is, even with Baby's First Head Cold at 12 days old, and how achingly sweet Eleanor is being. I just had to get this uncomfortably feelingsy post off my chest before I could talk about anything else.

Like about their faces. People are pretty divided on whether Geneva looks like Baby Eleanor or not. Inasmuch as all babies look like babies, she does, but there are times she reminds me so strongly of my firstborn that I can't stand it. Especially in profile.

And in repose.

These two. Sometimes they kill me in the best way.


kt said...

Hugs. Just hugs. They are both gorgeous and you are doing a terrific job of momming two girlies. Similar but different, and lovely.

blackbird said...

Sending you lots of love.

Amy said...

They are both beautiful.

It is hard when baby love is all-consuming and you have this "not a baby anymore" who also needs you. Guilt is normal - my sister swears they add in to the IV in the hospital - but soon the feelings will normalize, and you'll love them equally but in different ways. Some crying is normal too, of course. If it lasts, please look into it.

Vasilly said...

I'm sending a million hugs your way. I remember feeling a bit hostile toward my oldest after my second kid was born. It's that protectiveness though you know the oldest means well. Everything's going to be okay.

Angela said...

I am so happy for you! I have had 5 kids and my experience has been different and somehow grown with the addition of each one. The part where I am surprised by how happy and in love with the newborn is always a surprise. How I shift my protectiveness to the youngest is something I don't like. She is so lovely. Congrats to you all!

alice c said...

Nobody gives you a user guide with a new baby. It is a fundamental weakness with the product and so you have to make it up as you go. You're doing just great. Lucky, lucky Geneva to have you and Joel and Eleanor to love her.

Anna {} said...

I cannot even talk about my parents not getting to know my babies properly :( Your girls are both so beautiful and yes, newborns are pretty darn loveable with their trusting need-you snuggles. The main difference I see is the hair colour :)

leahandmichael said...

yes and yes! *tear*