Monday, December 25, 2006

plett family fun

for the sake of my entire left-hand-side of the family, and because we seem to have only one camera between us, i have uploaded the better fraction of my sister's shutterbugging to my new, created-expressly-for-this-purpose flickr account. for those of you not related to me through blood or dating, please feel free to vicariously enjoy our drunken hilarity here. there's a pug in it for ya.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

bows on bobtails ring

in the spirit of quitting, and of only having (let's count them together, four shifts left at reds, and of being virtually unfireable, i broke every dress code rule i could think of tonight. instead of my polishable leather shoes, i wore runners (with WHITE SOCKS!!!). rather than my plain dark blue jeans, i wore the ones with the worn patches! a snakeskin belt replaced the black leather one, and to cap it all off, i affixed a large velvet bow to my back belt loop. not only did it lend a festive air to my derriere, but it helped disguise the fact that my apron cuts my no-bum in half.

and because albert thinks there should be more of him in this blog, i'll say it again...albert, if jen didn't work so damn hard, you'd be my favorite hostess.

Monday, December 18, 2006

the gory details

so, it all started because we have family coming over for christmas on friday, and family coming over brings out nazi-mom (just kidding, mom, i love you), and nazi-mom makes you do stuff like clean your room and move things into the garage. and so sunday afternoon, while joel was out with steve (the roommate with the cats) doing reasonably vague guy-nothings at the mall, it seemed perfectly reasonable that mom would make me help her take some things down into the garage. it was cold, and i thought it was going to be one of those you-own-too-many-things-and-need-to-amalgamate-your-storage-goods-on-to-one-shelf moments, so my relief on regaining the upper floor was tangible. THEN the phone rang, and i was cryptically ordered to go into my room, and promptly hung up on. i had gone INTO my room to answer the phone, but it took some doing to find it, so i didn't immediately notice the LARGE BOUQUET OF FLOWERS that had materialized on my bed. with a note. and a blindfold? the note read (i paraphrase) 'bundle up, come outside, blindfold yourself, give me a call.' notes accompanied by flowers must be obeyed, and once outside, i was ordered back in so that joel could use the facilities. i hung out blindfolded and alone by the front door, calling out 'it's dark! my eyes...oh long johnson' until he came back. i had to hang out blindfolded and alone again once we got to our unspecified destination, because he had walked me a ways along slippy trails and over branches (i think i stepped in poop) before realizing that he'd left something in the car. [the part of me that embellishes stories to make them a leetle better would like to say that it was the ring...'hey babe, will you...uh...damn! it was in my pocket a second ago!' but it was a rose, or something.] SO, we got to a picnic bench and he made me stand on it and took my hands and said a bunch of stuff about our relationship and all we've been through that i won't repeat here, and then he let go my hands and said i could take off my blindfold. now, i had told joel when we started dating that he wasn't allowed to tell me that he loved me, because those words are scary words, and sometimes they're lies, and i didn't want to hear them if they were lies. but when i took off my blindfold, there he was, kneeling in the wet grass, telling me that he loved me and asking me to marry him. and then i said yes and then i almost cried a little bit and then i screamed for my ring and then we picnicked on the wine and cheese and spiced meats and breadsticks that were spread on the be-clothed, be-candled, be-rosed picnic bench. oh yes, and we were at this park that he and i had gone to one time when we were first dating and fed the squirrels and he took a picture of me feeding a squirrel but my little bum crack was peeking out and that was the picture that he took with him to hawaii to remember me by, and to show people, 'that's my girlfriend, she can't buy pants for herself.' anyway, THAT's the bit (candles, cheese, park, accomplice dressed like ninja to light candles) that probably took the most effort and forethought on his part but that i always keep forgetting to tack onto the story, because the important thing is that here we are, two-and-three-quarter-years, one break-up, two summer-long separations, a handful of fights, a bucketful of miscommunications, a truckload of moments that were just right, and three little words later. and babe? i love you.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

oh don piano

joel wants to get cats. i don't really want to get cats, because i don't altogether like them. they're eerily like furry teenagers, and who wants that? plus, i'm allergic. but joel's old roommate, steve, got cats, and joel looooooooooves them.

see the love? go on, reach out. touch the love through your computer screen. so i guess we can get cats. but only, ONLY, if i can teach them to say things like 'oh long johnson' and 'why i eyes, ya'...

and also, i'm a little bit engaged.

Friday, December 15, 2006

christmas shopping

there was a DOG in metrotown today. you know that dog from the fido unlimited christmas commercials? the ones with the young, disconcertingly attractive mr and mrs claus? it was that dog's older, bigger, bockety-eared brother. i was walking down the A&W-starbucks-bank run that leads from the skytrain to the mall, and this ENORMOUS DOG walks out of the bank. just like that. he heads for the mall doors, and i'm like, dog, you can't go in there. YOU'RE A DOG. but dude, no one tells a massive, mall-walking dog what to do. so he heads in, trots down the stairs, and starts wandering into stores. he's checking out christmas prices, and freaking people out because he's surprisingly quiet, and you're bending over putting your purchase in the back of your stroller, and then all of a sudden this BEAST comes around from the side where your CHILD is, and you scream a little bit like i did the other day when i was stretching downstairs after working out and i still had my headphones in so i didn't hear my sister come in and then these moon boots appeared in front of my face and i thought she was a giant moon boots. ANYway, this dog. security finally rounded him up and carted him off somewheres, and about ten minutes later i heard 'would the owner of a large white dog please report to the information booth.' and i laughed. because don't NOBODY own that dog.

Monday, December 11, 2006

happy hour

children get drunk on snow and wind. nature is like tequila to them. the clarences were in a glorious frenzy today.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

*blink blink*

'i hate working at red robin metrotown...i don't ever want to see the inside of [it] again' - blog exerp, sept. 16

'i can't put my full energy into my jobs-with-purpose because im so dragged down by my 'efficient' job...the most amount of money in the least amount of time.' - journal exerp, oct. 26th

-'&)*#$ people, i'm )^@#$ gonna set this @#(!#@ place on fire' - exerps from all those blogs i didn't post

'you should quit red robin' - joel, jane, robyn, kind of hinted at by my mom

i am more than pleased to announce that i have, for good or for ill, turned in my two-weeks notice. as of boxing day, 2006, i will no longer be employed by the red robin industry. it is well-remarked-upon in the business that no one ever quits for good, and i make no pretense of saying that this is good-bye forever. i've even had several second thoughtses since i decided to quit about a month ago, but every time i do, i have a horrible, horrible shift in which i contemplate my own death. it is as though God is, rather ungently, supporting my decision. so for now, in the interests of my sanity, my well-being as a person, my sleep patterns, and my overall opinion of the masses, i have left the dirty bird.

i have purposely avoided filling my blog with server stories, partially because anything i could say, this guy has said better, and partially because no one who hasn't served gives a damn. as a sort of farewell toast, however, i will now leave you with my favorite *blink blink* moments, as proof that servers aren't really human beings and no one listens to them. (for those not in the know, *blink blink* is code for 'i physically cannot dignify that with a response, so i'll just stand here and blink.' i like to sometimes say the word 'blink' as i blink, as if to emphasize the fact that i'm not answering. just blinking.)

- can i grab you guys something to drink?
- no thanks. i'll just get a water.
- *blink blink*

- can i grab you guys something to drink?
- i'll get a coke.
- is pepsi ok?
- yeah, sure that's fine.
- and for you, sir?
- yeah, i'll get a coke too.
- *blink blink*

- can i grab you guys something to drink? (this one actually happened yesterday)
- yeah, what do you have on tap?
- canadian, rickards honey brown, and heineken.
- ok, i'll have a rickards red.
- *blink blink* i'm sorry, we don't have the red on tap anymore. is honey brown ok?
- sure, that's fine.
- and for you?
- um, don't you guys have, like, heineken, or anything?
- *blink blink*

and then, my personal favorite:
- what can i get for you there?
- i'll have the popcorn shrimp and chips, only, instead of the chips, i'll just get more popcorn shrimp.
- *blink blink*

Thursday, December 07, 2006

some dogs...

...are clever. and have hobbies. like tyson, who is a better skateboarder than i will ever be.

other dogs...

...are idiots. like this one. who cannot distinguish between his own hindquarters and a legitimate foe. and whose limbs seem to operate tauntingly independant of his brain.

and the moral of the story is...people are like that too.

Monday, December 04, 2006

does anyone know...

how to delete comments? particularly random spam comments? i am joining the ranks of word verification-ers, and will soon turn on my comment moderation, if this does not cease.


Saturday, December 02, 2006


my new earmuffs!!!

are they not enchanting???

do you not wish they were YOUR earmuffs? they have sparkles in them!!!

here they are from the side!!! there is a mess on my floor!!!

i would like to thank blogger, the dollar store, and my sharp-eyed neighbor, candy, for making this all possible.

ps. to candy: i received no less than eight compliments on my earmuffs at work tonight. kudos.

ps to jane: while i did take all of these pictures myself, none of them are in black and white, i do not look pouty in any of them (perhaps a leetle drunk in that last), and not a one of them will be making an appearance on my myspace.

Friday, December 01, 2006


so, a while ago, i broached the idea to my boss-who-actually-really-hates-children-but-she-just-does-all-of-our-administrative-work-anyways-and-has-no-real-contact-with-them-and-plus-she-hates-them-in-a-jovial-and-humorous-manor-so-it's-really-all-ok (who differs from my boss-who-has-a-small-square-shaped-growly-child-in-the-infant-program-of-whom-she-is-quite-fond-and-so-am-i,-particularly-because-of-the-way-he-growls-my-name) of our center getting a baby crocodile that we could feed little bits of the kinders to. but just, like, little bits so that no one would notice until one day...hey, where'd the Defiant Clarence go? oh yeah, we fed him to the crocodile.

i meant it as a joke, but i guess it must have happened for real, and i just don't remember because of all that crack i was smoking to survive the Defiant Clarence, but he's gone now. and being replaced with a clarence from the daycare, one i will hesitantly, and perhaps jinxingly, but ever so hopefully, entitle the Angel Clarence (or perhaps the Submissive, Servile Clarence, S.S. Clarence for short, and i will make him wear a sailor's hat) as of monday.

did i mention that my co-clarenceherd had a family crisis for which she had to leave work, and that for the past week and the next week and the week to follow, i am the sole caretaker of the clarences? there is no better time for a Defiant Clarence to take his leave of us, voluntarily or otherwise.

and now, if you don't mind...