Thursday, May 29, 2014

Comfortable with discomfort.

I'm the kind of person who likes to circle the wagons and close ranks and other exclusionary metaphors when under duress. Joel mentioned that one of his colleagues wanted to drop by to see the baby, and I was like, HA HA NO, I don't want to see anyone I'm not related to by blood or marriage, unless it's Josie. I certainly don't want to see anyone who's never had someone else's poop on their pants for two days and not cared at all.

That said, summer in Saskatoon is my favorite Season in a City EVER, and we have lived in a lot of cities. The winter has been so long, and I've waited so eagerly for fine weather, and it's HERE NOW. When my parents were here a week ago, we were like, I think that one tree down the street is starting to put out leaves? And now, boom.

Summer. And I don't want to miss a second of it. I didn't leave the house for weeks after Eleanor was born, except to go to the doctor and to buy larger bras. But we have been to the library and the park and the farmer's market, and the Children's Festival is this weekend, kicking off Festival Season.

I had a tiny bit of Baby-Maker's Remorse the other day when I realized that I'd thrown a wrench in my favorite season, that this summer wasn't going to be as breezy and hands-free as last summer. Babies are just ON YOUR BODY all the time, and always needing to be fed at unpredictable and inconvenient moments, and you can't just give them a cracker or a toy because they're babies.

Toddlers are very comfortable people to hang around with. Eleanor has never really been given to public meltdowns, and she's enthusiastic about everything. I'm realizing that I'm going to have to be mildly uncomfortable all summer if I want to have All The Fun, because there's always going to be a baby in my arms or in the stroller, sleeping but on the verge of waking up and SQUALLING. But I don't want to not stop to pick the dandelions because I'm anxious or tired or itching to get back to my nice, safe, homely house.

It would be such a waste of a summer.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

We are getting along famously.

So I've gotten over that business where I don't like Eleanor very much. A lot of it had to do with me just not being able to handle her bouncing toddlerness, and so foisting her on my parents or Joel or literally anyone, but then being unable to stop parenting when she was being toddler about some things. Basically for a few days my only interactions with her were to be like, Stop doing that. So *I* stopped doing that, and started just hanging out with her, and now we enjoy each other fine.

That aside, having my parents out really eased the transition from one- to two-child household. Eleanor couldn't care LESS what her dad and I are up to when Papa and Gigi are out. I haven't been away from her overnight since she was 5 months old and oblivious, but the first night Papa and Gigi were here I went to put her down and she was like, Can Gigi read Llama Llama to me and put me in my bed? And I was like, HAHAHA see you in two weeks.

So Geneva just sort of entered the house and became part of the scenery, and by the time Papa and Gigi left and Eleanor started caring what I was up to, Geneva was just a given.

Watching Eleanor doing her Big Sistering just slays me. Today I ran downstairs to grab something, Geneva was still in her carseat and Eleanor was finishing up her lunch. Geneva woke up and started to squawk, and as I come upstairs I hear Eleanor from across the table going, It's ok, Geneva, I'm here. Don't cry.

She talks to Geneva all the time, which I find hilarious. She's just started making her toys have conversations with each other (also hilarious), and if you make Snuggles talk to her, she talks back to him. I can't really explain why her talking to Geneva is so weird, maybe because we usually talk around her. Like, Oh, who is squawking? It's Geneva! And so forth. But Eleanor is always like, This is YOURS, Geneva! This is some MUSIC, Geneva! Are you DRINKING, Geneva?

She totally accepts as a matter of course that Geneva drinks from my boob. Like, obviously. And because I'm often feeding Geneva while Eleanor has her lunch, they're usually drinking their milk at the same time, which Eleanor thinks is the best joke.

These two.

Monday, May 26, 2014

She is nailing this.

Here is your Snuggles, Geneva!

Hold my hand, Geneva!

Hold my finger, Geneva!

Here is your bee, Geneva! His wings go crinkle, crinkle, crinkle.

*whispers* Are you sleeping, Geneva?

Shhh, you can sleep.

Let me wash your feeties, Geneva!

This is a giraffe, Geneva. I am coloring him green.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Emoting all over the internet.

So, hey. I had another baby. And I haven't really blogged about it because my sitting-at-the-computer time is pretty limited, but also because My Feelings. There are just all kinds of feelings surrounding the birth of your second child, most of which I was WHOLLY UNPREPARED for and a lot of which I'm not really comfortable talking about yet. Suffice it to say that I thought I'd continue loving Eleanor with the same deranged, unflagging love, and then I'd come to love the baby in time. I failed to take into account how easy newborns are to love, and my feelings towards Eleanor, of all people, were unexpectedly hostile (and also guilt-ridden, because whose idea was it to have another baby and completely ruin this good things we had going? Certainly not hers).

Also, my parents were here, and now they are gone. And it's not that I had help and daily naps and now I don't, and it's not that food has stopped just sort of appearing in my fridge, and it's not that I have to clean my own living room now or sit in a heap of squalor. It's that they were such an important part of Eleanor's first six months, and the fact that they won't get to know Geneva in the same way just kills me sometimes.

Also I just had a baby, so sometimes I cry just for the hell of it.

Overall, though, things are going so much better than I could have expected. I will write more later about how chill Geneva is, even with Baby's First Head Cold at 12 days old, and how achingly sweet Eleanor is being. I just had to get this uncomfortably feelingsy post off my chest before I could talk about anything else.

Like about their faces. People are pretty divided on whether Geneva looks like Baby Eleanor or not. Inasmuch as all babies look like babies, she does, but there are times she reminds me so strongly of my firstborn that I can't stand it. Especially in profile.

And in repose.

These two. Sometimes they kill me in the best way.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Waistbands up to their armpits.

Newborn babies are just little old men, sitting in the hot tub. 

12 hours old.

And then I had a baby and she looks, you know, like a baby. 

Geneva Wren, 6 lbs 12oz. 

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Gotta make room in this belly.

This is the Mississippi Mud Pie I ate the day before I had a baby. Am having a baby. Will have had a baby. 

Whatever, I'm having a baby tomorrow and tonight I had this cauldron full of pie. 

See you tomorrow. 

Thursday, May 08, 2014

She's learning the power of All The Tea Always over a sore throat

Today, because Eleanor has the kind of cough that has both of you standing outside her door at 2:00 am, listening to her breathe,

because Joel is on call again (last time before the baby comes, I swear),

because we paid for our beautiful weather this morning by having lousy weather this afternoon,

because this is the last day it'll be just the two of us girls, hanging out together,

because everything changes so much, so soon,

and because I just...I am not putting pants on anymore, I made my best girl pancakes with coconut yogurt and diced mango for dinner.

I put spinach in the pancakes, because I haven't completely given up.

Joel starts his time off when he gets home from work tomorrow morning. My parents come Saturday. This baby is imminent.

Monday, May 05, 2014

Living large.

Today, because Eleanor has a cold and is all sadness and boogers

(well, boogers, anyway),

because the weather continues to Not Be Helping,

and because Joel is on call again,

I took my best girl out for wraps and caramel apple cake.

And then it was almost sunny and we were outside anyway and we'd had caramel apple cake and the park isn't on our way home but it is if you go, like, five blocks out of the way.

I really want to make a 'giving birth' joke about this tunnel picture

but I also really just want to take an 11-hour nap. So.

Happy Monday.