Saturday, December 19, 2009

Updatey...but not really.

Heyyyyyy kids, what've you guys been up to lately?  Me?  Not much...bit o' this...

Little o' that...

Couple a' doors that lead to nowhere...

And I made churros.  Ha cha cha.

They look like tasty snakes.

Friday, December 11, 2009

I was not at home to witness whatever madness happened at the house today.

Don't be alarmed if the house smells like smoke, the note says.  It is all taken care of, the note says.  You might want to air out the upstairs.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

This is becoming a saga.

No poo-related misadventures today, but a guy hit himself in the leg with a saw and they hauled him off to the hospital, so.  Things are never not exciting around here.

In other, less bloody news, I got a nifty gifty in the mail yesterday from THE NETHERLANDS!  Sweet, right?  Only don't click on the moat-link in that post because it'll just bring you back here and then you'll be caught in an infinite loop.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

In which I am weary of my castle

This thing with the moat is getting way less fun.  It was actually only fun in the first place because I could go around saying I have a moat!  And that has about eight seconds worth of appeal.

ANYhoodle, 98% of this story will involve poop, so if that offends you you should probably turn away now.  Still here?  Ok.  So since this started we've been all, Should we be doing laundry, should we be running the dishwasher, but we assumed they would tell us if we shouldn't because we live upstairs.  But today they turned the water off without telling us, so after I unwittingly wasted my only flush on a pee, I took a huge poo and had no way of dealing with it.  Also, I had to pee again.

A surprising number of people recommended peeing in the moat, which, guys, it is AROUND MY HOUSE.  Besides which, I already sort of inadvertently did that yesterday.

So I mentioned how one of the guys knocked a hole in a ground pipe so that the pipe had a little skylight, through which we could watch our toilet-flushings flush, right?  Ok so yesterday I took a poo and then peeked out the window just to check seriously I don't watch every time I flush.  But it's a lucky thing I did this time, because apparently they had unhooked a pipe in preparation for fixing it but then did not fix it and a bunch of water came rushing out of the pipe onto the ground and I'm pretty sure my poops were in it.

Luckily, there were no dudes around at that time, and somewhere during that day they fixed the pipe (probably because they found poops in the moat).  But surriously, I am too old for these sorts of adventures. 

Monday, December 07, 2009

Where are my crocodiles and where is my drawbridge?

HA!  I thought I'd been totally negligent and not mentioned the flood in the basement AT ALL yet, but I definitely did.

SO!  Flood in the basement = we have a moat.  This is not a euphemism for something less medieval, we have an honest-to-goodness moat.  I could put crocodiles in it to eat the prowlers and any fractious serfs. 

I do not understand the ins and outs of house repair, but something something draining something ok, I can't even pretend but apparently all the things that have to be replaced are right hard by our house, and a good bit down.

So.  A moat.

It goes around the whole house and is about half as deep as I am tall and as wide as maybe three of me and the other day there was a guy in there with a blow-torch (also not a euphemism.  Seriously, a blow-torch, and he was torching things).

There are dudes all over the lawn all the time now.  And the other day the house shook and whatever machine was machinating stopped and there was a bunch of general cursing and then someone who sounded managerial swore AT someone and now there is a hole in one of the ground pipes so that when we flush our toilet, you can look out the window and watch it go.  I try not to have the poops when the lawn-dudes are around, but I refer you to above: they are here all the time.

Also here was a wood chipper, because apparently if your house floods you need to cut down the tree that is furthest from the problem, and chip its ass.

I imagine that for the basement troll (who is now the swamp troll, due to the basement's swampy nature) these past few weeks have been hell on wheels, but aside from the near-constant noise, the inability to walk around our curtainless kitchen in my ratty jammies, and my chronic need to furtively photograph the vehicles, we haven't been too inconvenienced.  Sometimes I dream about owning a house, but in times like these I am only too grateful that renters aren't responsible shit.