Sunday, December 23, 2007

The Great Krueger Snowboarding Vacation

Hello friends! I have returned from my snowboarding (mis)adventure!!! No, I jokes, it was fun. But I can't sit on most of my ass. (These are my knees. I am a long way from posting pictures of my own ass on the Internets.)

I don't care who you are, you will spend most of your first day snowboarding on your ass or on your knees or scraping snow out of your eyes, and then you will spend your second day not snowboarding, because you will be unable to move. The toilet-paper-roll-holders in all of the bathrooms were situated so that you had to reach behind you just a bit, and so every time you peed you were reminded that your shoulders had no range of motion. Also that you had to use the towel rack and sink counter to lever yourself off the toilet, because you had lost the use of your thighs.

The Kruegers all pour plutonium on their cereal instead of milk, giving them freakish athletic powers. Joel was carving up the bunny hill like an old pro by the time the mountain closed. His younger sister, Tina, who is six feet of fabulousness, made snowboarding look like walking down the street (really sexy walking down the street), and what his older sister, Leah, lacks in skill she makes up for in total fearlessness. I am you say...coordinated, so snowboarding was something of a stretch for me. I may have fallen at least thrice per run. Tina may have had to come cradle me and croon soothing things to me while I gulped for air after landing flat on my back. I may have called it a day about two hours before everyone else, and then gotten a ride back to our resort from a parks guy because I was to achy and whiny to make the ten-minute walk.

Luckily for me and my sheep-like tendency to do whatever everyone else is doing, only Tina and Mike are bad-ass-core enough to go out on two consecutive days. We spent the rest of our time marinating in the hot tub,

napping (wearing our berfday hoodies and cradling our berfday moccosins if it happened to be our berfday),

drinking wine and YouTube-ing all the Jim Gaffigan we could find (whose comedic stylings can be found here, here and here),

and inventing beauty products out of processed meats.

In short, it was the perfect vacation

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