Friday, November 18, 2011

She is ruining my hilarious old-people time.

Ok so I've been doing Aqua-fit because LOLZ and also because I like cookies + not being fat, which ultimately = exercise.

ANYway.  My pool is closing for three weeks, which is a side-complaint and not the point, and today was my last class before the closure, and it was taught by THAT GIRL THAT I DON'T LIKE.  Because there's the ONE girl who teaches every day at 9:30, so whichever days I decide to go I go in that time slot because she is excellent.

And then last Friday because of the holiday but also THIS Friday because WHO KNOWS that OTHER girl was teaching, and ok.  The one girl trusts me to not over-exert myself, and will be like, You can do this or to make things harder you can do this.  The other girl will be like, If you aren't feeling up to it today, or if you are pregnant, you can do this.  Otherwise, do this.

And the things she assumes I can't do are weirdly things that I can TOTALLY do, like frog-jumps ( jump?  And bring your legs up to either side like a frog?  You basically leap-frog the water).  Frog-jumps were custom-made for the bellied, because your legs go to the sides where your belly is not.  But then during the ab work, she says to me, If this is too difficult for you then you can just lie back and bring your knees into your chest when HAHA CLEARLY I CANNOT.  That is, in fact, one thing I can't do.  Your eyes should be able to tell you that.

Which, ok, aqua-fit is what they tell you do to when you are pregnant.  ERGO, part of the training probably has to do with How To Deal With The Pregnant.  My first class with the girl I like, she comes to me beforehand and is like, When we're doing this you can do it this way or that way, and here's how you can work around your belly, and make sure you stay in the deeper water to cushion your girth, etc.  But this OTHER girl has no idea what to do with this Pregnant Thing in her class (I think I stress her out a little), and also does not understand basic physics.

But when she looks right at me and is like, If you are pregnant don't do this, I feel bad being like, I know better than you, child.  Which is how I would feel if I just did the thing anyways, so I usually do squats or whatever she tells me to do, even though doing squats in the water is the NEXT CLOSEST THING TO DOING NOTHING.  And I must give her A Look because today she's like, After you have that baby you can do all the frog-jumps you want.

ALSO her routines are super-boring, because she only has, like, six moves and we just do them over and over, AND she's not loud enough to be heard over the music, AND she doesn't shout motivationally at us, AND she doesn't wear a sports bra under her bathing suit so I sort of feel bad for her boobs whenever she's demonstrating things out of the water.  But mostly its the squats I hate.

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