Some people can't function without a coffee in the morning. Me, I can function. I can make it all the way from my bed to the kitchen, I can measure out my water and grind my beans and stare at the machine until it's done, all without my morning coffee.
What I can't do is put on a jacket. It's been a long, hot summer, people, and the act of putting my arms through something that isn't a cotton tee is apparently more than I can handle. The upshot of all this is that this morning, while struggling with my light warming apparatus (one might call it a 'zip-up' or 'hoodie'), I knocked over my coffee mug. Now, I have demonstrated to many people the almighty power of this mug, how I can turn it upside-down and nothing will spill, and how this allows me to put it back into my backpack when I'm done and not worry about the last icy slurp dribbling out onto my crackers. I guess the Righteous Lid of Power was slightly askew, or the mug is out to get me, or something, because when it hit the ground, the lid flew off and waves of coffee drenched the carpet/the shoe rack/the wall/the shoes (including Joel's new[ish], [predominately] white shoes)/my pant leg.
What did one do before the Internet, when faced with such disaster? Fortunately, I don't have tobother with that question, because I have the Internet, and with this six-step cleansing ritual involving dish soap, vinegar, and every dish towel and wash cloth we own, I was able to remove the stain. Unfortunately, there are things the Internet can't give me, such as my coffee back, or wings to get to class on time, or something intelligent to say on Blake's 'The Marriage of Heaven and Hell' (which, I'm convinced, is just a literal description of some crazy, pepperoni-induced dreams he had and, as such, have little to no discernible meaning).
I can only hope that, one day, the Internet will evolve to this level of usefulness.