Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Swami speaks

Joel and I went 'grocery shopping' because we were out of milk, and pretty much the only thing we eat these days that isn't giving us cancer is cereal. Since it was the day before my first of three finals, I also bought four varieties of exotic cracker. As I am now a cracker swami, I will fill you in on my learns.

Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil Triscuits
Peppery and good. Ok, maybe you aren't like me, and don't like your tastebuds seared off with flavah flavah flavah, but I like all of my crackers to taste like the salt that's left on the bottom. So these = deliciousness. Also, they have that Triscuit-y way of tasting vaguely good for you, like they're made out of hay, or something.

Walmart-brand tiny Ritz-like cracker/cheese-like-substance sandwiches
These are just as disgustingly good as I wanted them to be. They taste like those little cheese-and-cracker snack paks you can get at Superstore, 5 for 78 cents, or whatever. Except without that little red stick that always breaks, and without all that bothersome spreading.

Incidentally, I also bought the Walmart-brand fig newtons, because I wanted something semi-sweetish to be putting in my mouth...Nyet. Do not do this thing. They are cakey and disgusting. They will lure you in with their low cost and high bulk, but spring for the extra 7 cents and get the chewy deliciousness you want. You do not want these.

Crispers - Nacho flavor
Firstly, when things say 'nacho' flavor what they mean is 'artifical cheese' flavor, which I'm totally fine with because I'm not sure how well all the jalapeno-and-ground-beef-and-cooked-tomotoes would transfer to cracker, but at least be honest. Secondly, you are not a cracker, Crisper, no matter how hard you try. Who do you think you are fooling with your 'Baked, not fried' business? We know what you're not saying. Yeah, 'baked in a vat of oil' is right. Still, you are very high on the deliciousness scale, and you come in a re-sealable bag. We are friends.
Walmart-brand Jalepeno-Cheese Ritz-like crackers
These had the potential to be the biggest let-down, if only because I looked at them and thought, Jalepeno-cheese crackers, that HAS to be good. I will slit my wrists if these are not good. So, you see, quite a bit was riding on them being good. The first one, though, tasted just like a regular old Ritz. So, damn. But turns out they are whatayacall, cumulative-flavor. Four or five crackers later, and my lips were zinging nicely. Looks like I will live another day.

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