I finally ended up falling asleep on the couch at around 3:00. I woke up a few hours later, sweating like a fat guy, because I was in my sweats and covered in three blankets, but I was too disoriented to change either of these things, because I was sleeping on the couch with the lights on, and you know how that will mess you up.
So I ended up sleeping in way later than I usually do (but not TOO late, because if last night repeats itself I'm going to stab myself in the ear with a q-tip really hard and see if I can't puncture something) which threw my whole day back a few hours, shifting my afternoon-ravenous-cupboard-emptying frenzy to RIGHT NOW. But I've eaten all the crackers and all the bagels and the banana chips have gone stale and nothing else is immediately edible.
I am an angry fish.