Joel: You know, getting married isn't all that different from getting a dog.
Me: *suspicious glance* In what way?
Joel: *look that knows he's cute, and that I probably won't get mad at him for saying this* Well, you have to feed and water them, let them out to go to the bathroom, and you're always picking their hairs off of things.
Which is fine, because that time I went to Costco without him, and Charmin Ultra was on sale, and he wasn't there to make his usual argument about how one-ply is the superior ply, because it allows you to chose your own ply, and I bought the 8-ply 106-pack, well, we just ran out of the sandpaper we've been using up til now, and so I busted out the first of the disposable hand-towels and let me tell you, no ass has ever been happier.
Let him feed and water that!