A history of hair

The year after I graduated from high school, I got my hair dreadlocked. They looked awesome, but they were way more upkeep then you think they're gonna be, and they kind of smelled, even though I washed them all the time, which may have been why they were so much upkeep. But the thing with dreadlocks is that when you're done with them, you have to cut them off. Like, off.

It only took a month or so for my hair to grow from awful army-marine-short to cute-flippy-short, but you know how it is when you have bad hair. Each day is, like, three years long. I'm sorry, I have no photos of the dreadlocks OR the month I looked like a lesbian.

By my first year of college, I had cute short hair. Robyn also had cute short hair. Look how cute we are, with our short hair. But college is not the time for short hair. College is the time for sexy looooooooong hair, so we decided to grow it out. Every two weeks I would march into my RA's room and demand that she trim my mullet. Because that is what happens to short hair when you grow it out; it becomes a mullet.

So we went through the horrible, awkward stages together: the just-at-the-ears stage, the shaggy-bowl-cut stage, the at-your-chin-and-poofy stage. It was all bad, all the time. You try to dress it up with little clips or pigtails or whatever, but no. Still bad.

That was five years ago now. It is at this point that I would like to draw your attention to my current hair. It is long.

My sister's hair is also quite long, but hers still firmly resides in Awesome-Long country.

Mine has crossed the border into Amish-Long. Note the severe, blunt ends. Note the lack of any depth or layering whatsoever. Note how hearty and capable I look from the back.

Note how hot my sister is in this picture.

Ok, now back to my hair. Note the coloring trifecta. No, this is not a trick of the light. That is indeed the mousy brown of my original color on top, the unfortunately brassy root-lightening I had done before the wedding in the middle, and whatever color the rest of it was on the bottom.

You thought I was going somewhere with this. But no, that's really all I have to say. My hair is completely not-awesome.