In which the Internet does some good

Alright, Internet, it's partially your fault I'm in this mess (thanks, Facebook), so I'm enlisting your help to get me out of it. Welcome to *da da da DA da da DAAAAAAA!*

Paper Watch!

These are the assignments I have left to do, and how much I have finished as of 11:45 Monday morning (I went for a run this morning, so don't judge me. I wasn't just lying around, eating bonbons and watching my stories) and I'm hoping reporting to you will fill me with enough accomplishment/shame that I'll get the job done. So.

1800-word paper comparing one novel and two short stories:
Due: Thursday
Accomplished thus far:
- novel and short stories read
- 1546 words written, 10% of which is crap and must be revised/edited out

750-word rhetorical analysis of a text:
Due: Thursday
Accomplished thus far:
- text read
- 375 words written, 50% of which is crap and must be revised/edited out

45-minute group presentation on short story:
Due: Thursday
Accomplished thus far:
- story read
- group met briefly, discussed how much we hate mosquitoes, how bad our vision is, adjurned

Final Exam:
Due: 23rd of August
Accomplished thus far:
- zilch

Stay tuned for further reports (I know, riveting!).

STATUS UPDATE!!!!

4:45 pm

1800-word paper:
Accomplished thus far:
- 2039 words written, 5% of which is crap and must be revised/edited out

Presentation:
Accomplished thus far:
- notes taken on short story

Everything else:
- status quo

I believe I have earned some dinner.